How did the blind man know when to open his parachute when he went skydiving? The leash went slack.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple, finding a apple in your worm.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't because he was dead.

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Yeah, just went for more ice, its hot as hell here, and yeah its the weather, I dont mind you using valium, is that the same as Xanax? My mum uses it sometimes, she is afraid of heights and well, has to fly a lot so its complicated, if you dont mind, I have always wanted to know more about you so shall we?

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How many babies can you fit in a bottle? None, a bottle is too small

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Is your refridgerator running? good, because if it wasn't then your food would spoil.

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Q: What did one Christmas ornament say to the other? A: I didn't know they could talk! Get me that ornament so I can chat with him!

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What do an octopus and a cat have in common? They are both multicellular organisms that are living creatures, and therefore are both sentient and can perform simple tasks and make simple decisions.

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seek beauty

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Pete and Repeat were on a boat. Pete fell off. Who was left? Nobody because Repeat is a good friend and he went in after Pete.

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Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away? It didn't. She didn't have a dog.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Jeff. Jeff who? Sh*t. Wrong house.

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How did the boys sunglasses fall off his face? He was drop kicked.

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Being a demigod and slaying monsters isn't normal, but on myth it is. MYTH: Not even once.

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Why didn't the scientist discover a cure for apathy? He simply lost interest in it.

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what's brown and sticky? A Stick

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Love is in the air? Wrong. Nitrogen, Oxygen and Carbon Dioxide are in the air.

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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, He cracked his skull and died on impact. He will be missed.

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what color is blue? green

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When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Well, life isn't a physical being so chances are low that it will actually hand you lemons.

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What do you get when you combine High Fructose corn syrup. sunflower oil, carbohydrates, and water. How the heck should I know!

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "what would you like to drink?". The horse, unable to comprehend english, just nods and proceeds to shit on the floor

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When life gives you melons. You're not dyslexic because you can probably tell the difference between a lemon and melon because they look so different.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops