roses are red , violets are blue , sugar is sweet and so are you. the roses are wilting the violets are dead. the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What did the firefighter say to his crew when they put out the fire? -Let's go home

thumb_up thumb_down +21

girl: why do you love me? boy: i don't.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How do you get money out of a Jew? You convince him your cause is worthwhile.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A bear and a rabbit both take a dump in the woods below an old oak tree. They look at each other, smile and nod their heads in acknowledgment of one another. The bear is first to let go of his rather large load and a loud THUMP is heard throughout the woods. Shortly after another and then another. The rabbit looks at the bear for a moment then turns closes his eyes and begins to strain. Finally the sound of what can only be described as a machine gun rattles through the wood. Looking impressed the bear looks over at the rabbit as it pops off its last few pellets. When the rabbit is finished the bear asks "Do you have a problem with the shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit thinks for a moment then looks at the bear and says "Umm... No, not really." So the bear uses the rabbit to wipe his arse.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A man shaves at least 3 times a week, yet he has the longest beard in town, how is that possible? He shaves his head because he's embarrassed about his rampant and patchy balding.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

i was going to say a gay joke butt f*** it.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, it was Friday night (or Halloween or St. Patty's Day) and the chicken was at a party. He got totally drunk, and then got the bright idea that it would be okay to drive home. On a rural two-lane highway, his vehicle careened into the oncoming traffic lane, and then the ditch, thus crossing the road. Fortunately, he walked away with only a few scratches. However, he was cited for wreckless driving, and got a DUI as well.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

God wrote this joke.................................

thumb_up thumb_down +21

I'm the rubber and you're the glue, whatever you say sends vibrations through the air that hit my eardrum and my brain interprets these vibrations as what your are saying.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

I have a really funny joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did Batman brush his teeth? So he wouldn't get bat breath

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse says nothing because it is a horse and doesn't understand English. It gets confused about it's surroundings and gallops out of the bar, upending a few tables along the way.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Equal rights!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Knock knock Who’s there? Knock knock Knock knock who? Knock knock

thumb_up thumb_down -14

how many licks did it take the boy to get to the center of a tootsie pop? he died of cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +4

I got pissed off at my little brother... So I threw him out of the window.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you touch yourself at night.

thumb_up thumb_down +248

Anything Dane Cook says

thumb_up thumb_down +44

what did the mom with cancer get for christmas? radiation poisoning

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A man gets home from work with red on his collar. His wife asks what it is. The man replies "I had sex with a young woman, your to old and you disqust me"

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What happens when a truck full of mexicans and a truck full of aisians collide? They all die.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Not even I believe you will ever know yourself that well ever Nero, you see what you created as a false illusion, as all of your, or rather our effort for nothing, as a pathetic attempt to create heaven on earth. In my eyes, you succeeded in doing so, and if it where for you, or more people such as yourself and I, it would have lasted, stop trying to give people what they do not deserve, and remember that making others happy will never cure the sadness and pain deep within you, only cover it. Stop fleeing from yourself, stay, get to know yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What kind of doctors would you call A 30 year old chimpanzee? I would say "Plastic surgeon" but that would be unscrupulous to the chimpanzees because the tearing off or "lifting" of the owners face is because they are just animals. And should have never been kept in captivity that long anyways.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops