I'm on the seafood diet. I eat clams and shrimp because it is healthy for me.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What do you get when you cross a Lion and a Shark? You would likely get trouble, seeing as its both animals are quite dangerous and crossing even one of them is ill advised.

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What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer...and the other is a watermelon.

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What is the difference between 100 dead babies and a Porsche? I don't have a Porsche in my basement.

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why was the woman afraid of her bestfriend he raped her

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A man walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, every time I drink coffee, my eye hurts". The Doctor then tells him, "You have an infection called conjunctivitis, also known as pinkeye"

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Q: What's long and gray and kills people? A: A gas pipe.

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What do you call a Muslim on a plane? A passenger, you racist bastard.

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What's worse than breaking your arm? Not having any arms.

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Why didn't the boy cross the road? Because there was traffic moving at high speed and he didn't want to be paralyzed from the waist down

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Why was the dentist sent to jail? Because he committed a crime.

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What did the Little 8 year old boy do when a big black man walked into his house? He said "Hi daddy", then they happily ate dinner together.

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why did the man blink because i put a gun to his head.

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your mammas so poor she is probably going die in a few days of starvation

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why Is the teen's sock crusty? he stepped in the glue that his little sister was using for her art project.

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I haven't had sex for about 2 years, 10 months, 20 days and 4 minutes. It doesn't bother me though.

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What happens when Batman Robin and Wonder woman go on a date? Somebody isn't getting laid.

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Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet eating her curds and way, along came a spider who sat there beside her and asked, "Hey bitch what's in the bowl?"

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why was the boy crying? ... because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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What did the penguin wearing a blue sweater say to the sink? I am a penguin wearing a blue sweater.

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Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar.... Homo-sexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual panda just have piece? Man 1: Were the hell did you come from? Homo-sexual Panda: My mother's uterus same as you, retard.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, i suck at poetry, show me your tits!

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How many arabs can fit in a 2007 honda accord? legally up to 5

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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