Man sees a hot girl. The hot girl sees him. The man asks her out on a date. After five years of dating he asks for her hand in marriage. She says "No way, I'm married you horror!!!" The man cries and moves in with his mom... Two days later he commits suicide.

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Why did Helen Keller cross the road? To end her misery.

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What's a vampire's favorite subject in school? Probably math.

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how many scrubbers does it take to change a lightbulb 2, 1 to change it , and 1 to make it smell like urine.

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What's worse than finding your whole family dead? Nothing. Finding your family dead is terrible.

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What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? I cried when I cut up the onion.

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What did the dog say to the Jewish Rabbi? Bark

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How many unicorns does it take to change a lightbulb? Unicorns do not use lightbulbs, their technology (magic) is way too advanced to waste fossil fuels and pollute the air. Also, you can't change a lightbulb with hooves. ;)

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What is a black person's favorite food? It varies from person to person, just as with any race.

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Two cannibals were eating a man, one at the top and one at the bottom. The cannibal at the top said, "are you having fun down there?" The cannibal at the bottom said, "yeah, I'm having a ball!"

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what said the girl when the roof collapsed over her nothing she died

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Mitt Romney for president.

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What is black and hangs from a tree in my backyard? My neighbors children.

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a man walks into a gay bar. he was gay.

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My Jimmy Saville advent calendar is rubbish. It only opens from 1 to 16.

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why couldn't the man rock climb? he didn't have hands

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the baby fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the koala.

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OBAMA

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the WNBA

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Why did the girl eat a cookie? Because cookies are good.

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Who cured cancer? Not God. What do you think of the almighty now?

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A Muslim, a Buddhist, and a Christian are on a plain. They have to jump off for some reason. The Muslim straps a bomb to his chest, jumps out of the plain, and screams "AHLA AKBAH"!!!! The Buddhist jumps out and says save me heavenly Buddha. A giant golden hand catches him and lightly places him on land. The Christian says "aw hell with this" and jumps out, then says "save me heavenly Buddha". The giant golden hand places him down gently on land. The Christian then says "thank god". The giant golden hand comes back down and kills him.

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What has 5 legs, 4 eyes, and 8 stomachs? Nothing.

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Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours? A: Cheese.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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