tom pauling

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It had a heart attack. Why did the baby fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the monkey

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Roses are red Violets are red Trees are red Shrubs are red HOLY SHIT! MY YARD IS ON FIRE!

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What did the blind pole vaulter say to the speed skater? Hi, how are you?

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A gay guy and a blind man walk into a bar. It's a gay bar. The blind man is also gay.

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It's probably not a good idea that your in here, any sudden movements and you could seriously injure somebody. Our beer glasses aren't ergonomically designed for your kind of species. I'm going to have to ask you to leave

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THEN WHO WAS FONE?

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Whats white and black and red all over? A panda that has just been shot by a poacher.

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A man walks into a bar and says "hey, it's me!". Turns out that wasn't him.

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Why was the baby crying? Because a tree fell on its legs.

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What's the funniest thing about the holocaust? Nothing it wasn't a joke

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WOMENS RIGHTS

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If you have 10 fish and you drown 5 how many do you have left? 10... you can't drown a fish, and even if you could you would still have 10 because there would still be there, they would just be dead. 5 alive, 5 dead

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a man walks into a casino, it's the third time this week and he's contemplating suicide.

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Roses are bitches Violets are two, your mother is a bigger bitch then both

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Richard fell off of a cliff. He can fly.

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Q. Why did the fence break? A. Too many mexicans were climbing it.

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What's worst than the finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust. What's worst than the Holocaust? Finding two worms in your apple. What's worst than finding two worms in your apple? Finding seven dead babies in a trash can. What's worst than that? Finding one dead baby in seven trash cans.

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what do you call a black man living in Brooklyn making over ten-thousand dollars a week? a hard worker

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Chuck Norris was once approached by a woman for whom he had to fight a man to obtain all while doing a mundane activity in an unorthodox manner. He promptly declined for he is married and told the man he only fights for self-defense. He proceeded to put his pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.

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a woman asked her husband, why havent you been talking to me? the man answers, you are having an affair so i ignored you and only talked to the girl im cheating on you with. you should know your a horrible person

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If you're jumping rope, and both the tires are flat, how much frosting would it take cover the staircase? Rocket!

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Forward this anti-joke to at least 15 people And absolutely nothing extraordinary will happen in the next 10 minutes.

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Q: what's yellow and can't use chopsticks. A: corn

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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