How did the old man die? His family locked him in the basement and then burned the house

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Where's my tractor?

thumb_up thumb_down -8

How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why does Stuart go to Zu Bar? Because he deals cocaine to his fellow raving companions

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Person 1: I have one question: What are those?!?!?!?!?! Person 2 : Their shoes you Dimwit. Person 1: (runs away crying) -by Mekkhi

thumb_up thumb_down -27

So these IRS agents were negotiating a deal.....

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What do you call a man named Mark? Mark

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A homosexual and a heterosexual bump into each other on the street. But its okay, because although they both lead very different lifestyles, they are open minded enough to respect each others choices and both apologize and keep walking.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the teacher need sunglasses? Because she taught in a classroom with a very big window and the sun kept getting in her eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

KIMBERLEY HONEY

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the scarecrow get promoted? He was outstanding in his field

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What did the black man do when his Polish friend died of cancer? He fertilized his front lawn as it was beginning to burn due to overexposure of the sun.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A dog is always in the pushup position.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

9/11.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms... Why couldn't sally get up? She had no legs Why did no one help sally? Because she has no friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A small plane is carrying three passengers: a young boy scout, a priest, and the smartest black man on earth. Due to improper planning, there are only three parachutes on the plane. The engines cut and the pilot takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The black man says, "I am the smartest black man in the world. I need to live." He takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The priest says to the boy scout, "Son, you take the last parachute. I have lived a full life." After a very touching moment, the boy scout puts on the parachute and jumps out of the plane. Minutes later, the priest dies a horrific death as the plane crashes into the desert.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How many ecotards does it take to change a light globe? Ve Vill Change all ze light globes to use;less grey vuns and you vill luv it or else ve vill kill you to save ze planet

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What do you say if you see a monkey driving a car? Nothing , you run away because primates are incapable to have motor skill and will probably crash within the next 50 feet

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Knock Knock Come in!

thumb_up thumb_down +28

How do you make a sandwich? You don't, you have a girl do it for you.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

I scream, You scream, The police come, It's awkward.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q: Whats about two feet in width and length with purple veins throbbing at the sides? A: A midget slowly dying of frostbite

thumb_up thumb_down +24

knock knock come back later i'm taking a shower!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops