"what's fat,stupid,and has a shell" "i don't know what" "you, i lied about the shell"

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What's big and white and will kill you if it falls from a tree? Your mom.

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How does a black man get to his parent's house on Christmas? He drives

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Q) How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? A) It shouldn't take more than one person to do this task, regardless of hair color.

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Christopher Walken steps into a bar.

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Roses are red violets are blue faces like yours belong in a zoo don't be mad I'll be there too not in a cage but laughing at you

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A little boy who was sleeping in his parent's bed woke up in the middle of the night only to discover his mother performing fellatio on his father. "Mommy, mommy," he said . . . except he didn't. He said nothing, and the incident troubled him deeply for many years.

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Why did the Chicken commit suicide Because he Ms. Reed

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How do you kill a cow while your carrying a gun Shoot him

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What do you call the offspring of a gerbil and a hamster? Whatever you want.

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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots? It depends on what his name is.

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what's funnier than hell? heaven

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How do you make a plumber cry You kill it's family

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A man walks into a bar and the bartender says "Sorry sir we're closed" So the man goes: "Oh, okay. I wasn't sure if you guys were open till' 10pm tonight" and the bartender goes "No, thats only on the weekends" The man thanks the bartender and proceeded to leave the bar. He now knows the arrive earlier the following day.

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What is worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Getting raped by a giant scorpion

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Chuck noris is so awesome that he brings a knife to a gun-fight, and wins

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I walked a few Km from home.. Something stops me in my tracks, there lies A LIE!

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road A: It didn't do it for any good reason,chickens are mindless and do random things,like crossing the road

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What did the passive-aggressive woman do to her husband? She killed him. As it turns out, the slight passive-aggressive behavior she was showing was actually an early warning sign of a dangerous sociopathic mental disorder. The authorities are looking for her as we speak.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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I have a meeting with a man about a horse. I have a chance to win the triple crown. Barboro is gonna do awesome. Oh wait he is dead.

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What is three times more dangerous than war? Three Wars.

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What did the alcoholic say to his priest? I'm Drunk. The priest says "Your drunk go home". He barely makes it.

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is your refrigerator running? yeah oh, ok. just making sure your food doesn't spoil

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops