Why did the boy scratch his back? A:because it was itchy.

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When life gives you oranges, make lemonade.

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What do you do when a guy pulls up in a van with piercings and a gay lisp, what do you do? Get in the van.

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what's blue and white and red all over? -nothing the "red all over" part implies a contradiction to blue and white.

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WHat is the one thing an alcoholic needs everyday? Rehab.

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What did the owl say when it fell out of the tree? Nothing. Owls don't talk.

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why did the man break his arm? he didn't, someone else broke it for him

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Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for two

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A duck walked up to the lemonade stand and he said the the man running the stand hey ba ba ba got any grapes? the man said no but i got some shut the F*CK up!

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Okay, so your school has a fire drill, and a ginger asks why the alarm went off. You reply, “Some new kid saw your hair and pulled the fire alarm

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What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? Dying of terminal cancer.

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What do you get when you divide 60000 by 30? A Number

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Roses are gay, Violets are gay, I f*cked your mom You have aids.

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Mexican? I dont care if you are Mexican or not really, it makes no difference to me, I know you, I seen you before. But seriously, I consider you a good friend and all, and it seems we both get along, but you know after stuff happens, are we still friends then or is this all just a mating game thing for you? You can be honest with me, I am a realist, and I kinda like the idea of,the day after tomorrow, wont deny that. Its just that I dont want to lose a good friend in the process, and if this is just you trying to score, then well, I guess its still nice knowing this side of you.

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What's the difference between a dead black man in the road, and a dead dog in the road? One is a human being that probably leaves behind family and friends that will miss his absence. The other is an animal that will also be missed, but to a lesser degree since dogs don't form a bond with people other than the family it shared its life with. In either of the two cases, if I witnessed the accident that caused the death, I would promptly notify the authorities so as to make sure that the driver of the vehicle that hit them would be subjected to a breathalyzer test.

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One Big Ass Mistake America

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What do Tom Cruise and Santa Claus have in common? They're both Tom Cruise.

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What Did The Ocean Say To The Other Ocean? What? Nothing, They Just Waved. Oh. Did You Sea What I Did There? No. I'm Shore You Did.

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Who is the best person to do your nails with? Nobody, you have no friends.

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Why did the fat man cross the road? Because he felt that being overweight, he had to do something about it and go to the gym.

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How do you kill a black man There is many ways

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What kind of drug did the cops catch the alligator with? None. They were going to use a tranquiliser dart, but SPCA intervened and simply held the alligator's mouth shut while they loaded it into a secure cage.

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How do you drown a fish? You can't , it is physically Impossible to drown a fish. because they have gills, so they are able to breathe underwater.

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How do you get a clown off a swing? Take a chainsaw and cut the swing in half

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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