why did the guy throw his clock out the window? because he wanted to see a clock fall out the window

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A man walks into a zoo. There is only one animal, a dog. It's a shitzu.

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what's magenta and has 7 legs? nothing.

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Two penguins walk are in the bathtub and says "can you pass me the soap?" the other one looks at him quite quarly and says "what do you think i am, a chainsaw?!?"

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Your mama is so fat she has a high BMI and is at a high-risk of Type II Diabetes.

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What did the black kid get for Christmas? Nothing. He celebrates Kwanzaa.

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Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

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SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKY’S. PRETTY MUCH USELESS BUT MAKE YOU SMILE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN THE STAIRS. Source: http://www.pingzic.com/funny-whatsapp-status-to-make-others-laugh/

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Why did the 18 year old girl take her clothes off? To take a shower

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How do you get a cat out of a tree? Throw a jar of foreskin at it.

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A duck walks ino a bar...... f*ck this sh*t im going to candy land.

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How do you get a Jew in a car? Ask him to get in. How do you get him out? (If they say tell him to get out) Tell him Hitler is driving (If not) Ask him to kindly step out of the vehicle.

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There are ten million million million million million million million million million million million sub-atomic particles in the universe that we can observe. Your mamma took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd...

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why did the homosexual man cross the road? to get to his gay partner.

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Your mama is so....well we've been friends since childhood and I know your mother passed away recently. So, as to refrain from being an insensitive jerk to a good friend. I will tell this joke to someone with a mother who is fat, dumb, lazy, ugly, or has a combination of these traits. Or has none of these and happens to be a nice lady with a son/daughter who just enjoys a good mama joke.

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Onions are like loved ones... They are both nouns. And you cry when you cut into them.

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Allmighty Genie vs Common douche Genie: I the allmighty Genie am at your command, I can grant you any three WISHES Common douche: Okay! I want to sit on my own lap Genie: Uh...Well...You uh sure you want that? I Uh... Wait a moment please... Wimp wins Genieous victory.

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Why did the man throw his watch out the window? Because it was broken.

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A handless Asian boy was riding his bike through the park with some friends. One of his friends puts his arms in the air and yells "Look! No hands!" The handless boy rides his bike home, crying and thinking about how one day he would like to say, "Look! No hands!" without people getting nauseous.

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A black woman and an Asian woman are both driving their cars. They arrive safely at their respective destinations.

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Why did the chicken croos the road? It didnt, my father caught him and cooked him for dinner.

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What do you call a black man who gets in the car with a drunk woman? An unsafe, yet easily avoidable situation.

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Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An investigator

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A black guy, a Jew, and a Mexican jump out of a plane. Who dies first? Well, judging by the fact that black people in general have a higher body mass, the black man most likely would smash into the ground first.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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