What do you call a purple apple? Bruised.

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Well babies don't have the strength or coordination to hold a paint brush, so you may need to call some painters.

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Q: What happens if you pee on a rock and scraches it on a tree? A: The tree gets wet

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Whats the difference between harry potter and the Jews? Harry potter could escape the chambers.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Hey I just met you and this is crazy this song doesn't rhyme penis

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A businessman walks out of a store with his new haircut he was bald.

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If there are four gay men that come into a bar and need to sit down when all you have is one stool; what do you do? Get three more stools.

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Did you know Hellen Keller's dog ran away? You would have to if your name was RaAeltraERKAERMaelaefa

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Why couldn't the blonde divide 5 by 0? Because it's impossible to divide by 0.

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Why is Adam saying numbers? He is a maths teacher.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Q: Why did sally fall off the swing? A: She got hit in the face with an axe

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Why did Sally ask for ketchup? She wanted to use it on her french fries.

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John Kerry walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, "Hey, why the lost election?"

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Why was the little boy's hair messed up on picture day? Because he was brutally stabbed in the face.

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#Hanging Degus

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http://cache.deadspin.com/assets/resources/2008/04/Deer_mating2.jpg

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To try to go to heaven because his girlfriend Margaret was cooked into chicken sandwhiches, and he had no kids and he didn't want to marry someone else, so he tried to get ran over but no cars hit him so he cooked himself. AND so he became KFC-Style chicken wings. BUUUT since no one ate them, he grabbed them up from heaven and commented on how delicious he was and proceeded to eat more and then exploded, sending him to heaven's heaven. But it was just a dream. And Margaret had to do laundry some more today because he freaking caused a urine tsunami. You're welcome.

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Why didn't the elephant do any tricks? It was dead.

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Help! I've fallen and I can't get up.

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Whats worse than 1 dead baby in a bag? Ten dead babies in one bag.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Elephants cant jump Neither can amputees

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A: Knock Knock B: ...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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