how much does a pirate pay for an earing? $2.50

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What is a gremlin? A gremlin.

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Why doesn't God answer prayers? God does answer prayers, but He does not want you to have everything you want just by asking it, He wants you to work for what you have, everything happens for a reason. ... Nah, it's because God does not exist.

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How do you keep an extraordinary magician from performing his show? Replace his shampoo with battery acid

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A pig, a chicken, and a cow are born on 3 separate barns. They are raised by old men who subside off the grains of the field. When the animals mature, the farmers will butcher the pig, slaughter the chicken, and gut the cow. The farmer who raised the chicken may enjoy a few eggs first but the animals will all die eventually. Either of natural causes or more likely being butchered for profit. Cows make milk.

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How are bananas and friends alike? If you peel their skin and eat them

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What would George washington do if he was still alive He isn't so we dont have to worry about that.

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I was visiting my grandad the other day and my phone died, I was really bored, he told me I rely too much on technology I replied with 'no you do' and Unplugged his life support

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2 sausages were in a frying pan. 1 sausage says it sure is hot in here, the other sausage says WTF a talking sausage!

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What do you get when you put the head of a lion on the body of an eagle?2 dead animals and a fine for killing protected species.

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i was born with 99 medical problems, and the difficulty to count till 100.

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what do you call cheese that isn't yours? not your cheese, you probably stole it.

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I just found out i have cancer.

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Why did the man have a bad day? Well first of all, his wife left him, then his two kids both committed suicide, then a large falcon pecked at his genital area. After that he proceeded to be hit by a car, and soon after he was hit by a bus. Following this, his corpse was raped by a transvestite pig, and then finally his spirit got hit by a plane on its way up to heaven, knocking it to Hell.

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There was a man on a park bench and he saw a duck fly by so he decided to go and see what it was up to. He saw that it was just going for a swim in a near by pond. He died 2 years ago of auto erotic asphyxiation because of a common fetish.

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Melbourne Football Club.

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"Why the long face?" The bartender asked. "I was born with a severe cleft palette and a jaw deformity. The surgery lets me eat and drink but my parents couldn't afford the cosmetic part of the surgery, the scarring got worse as I grew older. Can I have a beer please?" I replied.

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What did the man say when he walked into a bar? Nothing because he got knocked out because he was running too fast and hit his head.

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What did the pimp do to his bitch? He thanked her and rewarded her for her years of dedication and preserverance

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What's it called when One Direction wins a Grammy Award? It's never going to happen; so why give it a name?

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What did the kid with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A bicycle

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What happen when a plane crash? Everyone on it died...

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so a dyslexic man sold his soul to Santa

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What's sad about a dead person? He was my friend.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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