What happens when you shoot a black man? You go to prison because murder is a criminal offense.

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Bob is asleep. Knock knock. Whos there? NOT BOB

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My girlfriend never swallows; she has a rare esophageal disease that's potentially fatal.

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yo mama's so fat, she wears a big belt

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why is 6 afraid of 7 7 is a registered sex offender

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whats the difference between a nigga and a bucket of shit? the bucket

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Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A blonde is a Homo sapien (Latin for knowing man), a primate species of mammal with a highly developed brain, belonging to the family of great apes, along with chimpanzees, bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans . A mosquito on the other hand is a common insect in the family Culicidae (from the Latin culex meaning midge or gnat).

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'Knock Knock' "Who's there?" 'Nobody. Your schizophrenia has become so bad you can barely make it through a normal day without emotionally collapsing. Your social life has dissolved into a world of fear, and your personal relationships have crumbled away before your eyes. Major depression and anxiety are eating you away. You have nothing left.'

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my dick is like a bridge. i dont know why.

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A Jew and a Nazi encountered each other on the street. They exchanged pleasant greetings and carried on in their desired directions.

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A priest, a rabbi and a scientologist walk into a bar. They discuss their various religious viewpoints until the scientologist gets a call informing him of his mother's death. The priest buys him a drink. Then the priest gets a call informing him of his mothers death. The rabbi buys him a drink. The rabbi gets a call. The scientologist expects it to be about the rabbi's mother dying, so he prematurely buys him a drink. It was actually the lottery commission telling the rabbi he won 48 million dollars.

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Beached whale: "Look at me, I'm a land mammal"

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two scientists line up a frog at a line and tell it to jump it jumps 4 feet they cut off one front leg and tell it to jump it jumps 4 feet they cut off the other front leg and tell it to jump it jumps 4 feet they cut off a rear leg and tell it to jump it jumps 2 feet they cut off its last leg and tell it to jump it doesn't move they tell it to jump again it doesn't move the scientists come to a conclusion: frogs with no legs...cant hear

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Gun laws don't work because criminals don't pay attention to the laws

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What do you call a Simon with no arms and legs? Simon

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why did the kid struggle in school? because hes mentally retarted

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A black man, a Jewish man, and an Indian man are all in the taxi when they were all killed in a car crash. Who was driving the car? The taxi driver.

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When does a cat not land on its feet? When it lands on its back.

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What's red and looks like a bucket? A red bucket? No. A picture of a red bucket? No. A photo nailed to a red bucket, which shows a red bucket with a very realistic painting of a red bucket on it? Yes.

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Whats red and smells like cherries? Cherries

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John Cena for president

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what did the atheist get for Christmas? Nothing. If he was being truly honest to his beliefs, he wouldn't partake in a christian holiday.

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Why did the gambler sell his house? Because he needed money to pay for male hookers.

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Johnny had 50 candy bars. He ate 45 of them. What does Johnny have now? Diabetes. Johnny has diabetes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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