mommy mommy! why are we pushing the car over the cliff?! the mom answers shhh youll wake your father...

thumb_up thumb_down

What is the quickest way to speed up your 70 year old husband’s heart rate? Extract of foxglove is a very effective blocker of the parasympathetic nervous system, and since the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for slowing the heart, this would lead to an increase in heart rate. However, it is very dangerous to use such chemicals without advice, and therefore it is better to seek an examination and, if necessary, a prescription from a qualified GP.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the boy hate his bicycle and soccer ball he got for Christmas? The boy didn't have legs. He also hated sports. By the way he was black but that doesn't matter, he still hated sports. Who in the right mind would give a cripple inappropriate toys? Probably a racist Santa Claus. Oh by the way, Santa Claus is not real. So did they return the presents after the boy found out what it was? Yes, and it turns out the boy got a guitar and piano instead. Too bad the boy is also deaf.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A man runs into a bar and warns everyone about the hurricane.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q: what happens when you eat all the potatoes A: there all gone

thumb_up thumb_down +11

2 guys are best friends from birth, one goes crazy and kills the others family and feel hatred towards each other for eternity.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What is the difference between a jew and a boyscout? a boyscout comes back from camp.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

What do you call a boy with no arms and no legs in the water? Bob What do you call that same kid when he's at your doorstep? Matt What do you call that same kid when he's hanging in your room? I don't know, but you should stop calling him names.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Have you ever had Kenyan food? Neither have they.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Micheal Curran...that is all.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What do you call a man running around town with no clothes on? Naked.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

a man walks into a bar. ouch. that must suck, but he should really look where he's going

thumb_up thumb_down +8

richard is fag

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's greenish blue, smelly, and mushy? The fungus under my sink.

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you call a Chinese man in a cage full of Ostridges? A zoo worker.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What do you call a car with no wheels or engine? Immobile

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A black guy moves in to your neighborhood. The housing values plummet due to the current economic recession.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Q: Why did the Klansman go up to acclaimed rapper and television star, Flavor Flav, and say "Do you know what time it is, boy?" A: Because his trademark "bling" seems to be an actual functioning time piece. Q2: Why did that same Klansmen brutally murder Flavor Flav after he learned it was 5:46 in the pm? A2: Becasue Flavor Flav is black and that's kinda what you're expected to do in the Klan...

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you call a douche with no arms or legs? A device for washing out the vagina as a contraceptive measure.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, It's not my fault, I found you in a zoo!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: what smells like cheese and tastes like cheese? A: cheese

thumb_up thumb_down +1

whats worse than dropping your toast butter side down ? being ripped apart from the anus upwards by a large black man

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Q: What's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet? A: "E"

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the batmobile lose a wheel? The joker was raping robin too hard

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops