What do you get when you cross an owl and a bungee cord? My ass.

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What do you get when you cross a rock and a paper bag? A rock inside of a paper bag.

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hahaha

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Knock knock Who's there? Rick Rick who? Your wife's boss. I regret to inform you that your wife has sustained a injury on the job and she is in intensive care... I also regret to inform you that your insurance doesn't cover the injury

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why did marybeth fall off the swing i shot her in the fart box and she died

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf."

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How do you get a Mexicans attention? By calling him by his name.

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Want to hear a joke? I hope not because I don't know any.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting doctor. Interupting doc- You have aids.

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what is the difference between a Ferrari and a bucket of dead babies......... I dont have a Ferrari in my garage

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Why did the one-legged chicken say déjà vu? It felt a strong sensation that the current event had been experienced in the past.

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how do you make a plumber cry kill his family

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How Do You Solve A Impossible Math Question? You Dont. cause its impossible.

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Why did the short man fall down the stairs? He got shot in the face with an assault rifle.

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What's the difference between a gluten free cereal and a regular cereal? One has gluten, and one has no gluten.

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Roses are gray, Violets are gray, Everything is gray, I'm a dog.

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Knock knock Who's There Doctor Doctor Who? Wrong, it's Dr. Doozer, you have AIDS

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69

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To run away from the slaughter house.

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Donald Trump

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Me and a pig had sex, beastieality.

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Roses are Blue, Europe is Yellow. I suck at poems, Refridgerator

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knock knock! fu ck off i'm a shift worker trying to sleep

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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