How do you get a baby to stop crying? Hit it with a shovel 17 times

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i had a bowl of soup and it was 5 inches in diameter and 3 inches tall. how much soup did i eat? very little because i drank most of it

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Little Brianna has a special body part. That's why I kidnapped and sexually assaulted her.

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A: Knock knock B: "NOOOO" A: *Comes in, sees masturbating son*

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? It died

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What does a kangaroo and a zucchini have in common? Neither one can ride a bike.

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What do you call a black man that cuts people up and takes their money? A surgeon.

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oh whatever Greece isn't going to leave the eurozone shut up about it already

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Why did John fall down the stairs? Because John is a paraplegic and is incapable of going to down stairs without aid.

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Why did Suzy drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Suzy!

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A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

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Who smokes a lot of weed and speaks 5 different languages? Rosetta Stoner.

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What did the jew say to the black man? Nothing they were in a mall that got invaded by evil trees.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue I peek in your window, Yes, I'm watching you

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If you posten bout Kony I feel bad for you son. Cause ive snached 99 children and you pst saved none jesse

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In Soviet Russia, you have no rights!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. Traffic was too backed-up so the chicken took a different route.

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What's a fat chinaman? A guy who somehow got obese on rice. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?!

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Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the salamander, macaroni and cheese.

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What has 4 eyes and can't see. Blind siamese twins!

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What did the Brontosaurus say to the Triceratops? Nothing. Neither of them have ever existed.

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Nah

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Why can't Jimmy drive the tractor? Because Jimmy has no legs. Why doesn't he have any legs? Because he's a potato.

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The man was so gay he grew breasts and got breast cancer.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops