How do you fix America's national security issues? Nuke russia

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Why didn't the boy get a bike for christmas? He broke the bath tub.

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hating his life and his job, the man leaves work early and while he is in the elavator he has thoughts about killing himself after returning to his apartment he turns on the TV and grabs his gun out of the drawer. sitting in a chair with a gun to his head he looks at the TV and realizes that his office building has just been hit by a 747 piloted by Al-Quida members. Suddenly the man realizes that maybe he has something to live for and decides not to kill himself.

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Q. Why did Obama cross the road? A. To collect taxes from the houses on the other side

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Guy 1: What the shit is that car? Guy 2: Its not a car. It's an alfa romeo

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How do you get a baby to stop crying? Hit it with a shovel 17 times

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What's the most common pickup line in a gay bar? "Hi, may I buy you a drink?"

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Person 1: Ask me if I'm a truck? Person 2: Are you a truck? Person 1: No.

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One day, a small bald man was walking up the street, when her saw a large red porche, extremely grand, and the door was wide open. He walked over and inspected the open door, and to his surprise, the keys were in place by the steering wheel. He was a good man, with a loving wife and two teenage children, and he had no intention of steeling the vehicle. But astonished by the owner lack of protection, he hopped into the car and drove it around the block, just for the thrill of riding such an amazing car. Around 30 seconds after, he parked the car, got out, leaving the car in the same place, with the door open and the keys in, then he walked home and lived the rest of his life.

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Killing people is not illegal just ask a soldier

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Women's Rights

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I look back at all those hours I wasted playing those stupid video games, but then I'm reminded of all those people I brutally killed.

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Why did the student have a staring contest with his teacher? Well, the teacher was actually unaware of the competition.

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What do you call a black priest? HOLY SHIT!!!

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roses are red violets are blue everyone is stupid how about you? -I'm not Im black

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Why did the boy go to the hospital? He didn't. Unfortunately the gunshot wound severely injured the boy and he was unable to be revived in time to survive.

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Ask me If I am an orange? Are you and Orange? No

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butt sex

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? It thought they were playing follow the leader. Why did the refrigerator fall out of the tree? It had no arms. Why did the little girl fall off her tricycle? She was hit by three monkeys and a refrigerator.

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10 people walk into a bar. 6 hours later, 3 more people walk into the bar. There are now 12 people in the bar, and one corpse in the dumpster out back.

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Why did a car full of African-American men pull up to a lonely, caucasian man walking on the sidewalk at 12 p.m. in Harlem? To ask for directions.

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what did the dog say to the mailman? woof.

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Vagina cream... end of story

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Why does the party start when Kesha walks in? Well, it's Kesha's party and it would be rude to be in her house having a party when she wasn't there.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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