Need therapy? No you do not, just follow these steps. When someone feels suicidal, I ask them, so what would you do and feel when you are dead? People: First I think ill just chill like this, and then everything would be empty and no more noise like this here "holds hands over ears", and it would all just be black and nice afterwards.... Me: Stay in that state for a while. Human: Gee I am starting to feel better... Me: GEE YOU SUCK KILL YOURSELF NOW! 2. How to CURE PERMANENTLY (not treat over 30 years with no effect) someone that cant say no... First I let my victim enter the room, then I shut the door and shout "SAY NO TO ME YOU FUCKlNG WH000RE!" Victim: NOOOOOOO I CANT! Cured, stop wasting my fucking time NEXT 3. SUUUUUUUURE! Me: So you feel uncertain? Patient: Uh yeah... Me: Are you certain about that? Patient: You are just certain about you being certain which is not possible because you are uncertain NOW DIE! PROTIP: Death is the cure to all disease... NOOOOOOOT! (Postmortem disease no?) 4. I forgot this example. Anyway, I say something smart, you give me thumbs down because you are jelly, and then I eat you and I had some jelly.... I master nonsense, I am the jack of no trades and master of all.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why would the chicken cross a road

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What's blue and pillowy? A blue pillow

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What Do You Call A Fake Noodle? ----An Impastaaa!!!!!

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What do you call an underground train full of professors? It's very unlikely that the passengers on an underground train would consist entirely of professors, unless it was a special service booked solely for the attendees of highly specialised lectures which required each audience member to have completed a professorship.

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what did the homeless kid get for christmas? nothing he probably doesn't know what christmas is

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roses are red violets are blue the thing in the toilet reminds me of you :)

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Why did the chicken cross the road? 7 ate 9!

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The Holocaust

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squash squash who squash my ass

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A man went to the doctor, complaining about not feeling well after dancing the night before. The doctor quickly rushed to the surgeon to get ready for the liver transplant that had to take place.

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Why did thomas make a big mess on the ground? Beacuse he fell of a cliff

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Jim: You know whats funny? Bob: What? Jim: The 28th Amendment.

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What do you call two black men walking down a stairwell? Their names.

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An Aisian failed a test

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What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A person with light, yellowish hair who has a tragic genetic deformity.

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Why was the man sweating? He was stuck in a burning house.

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What did the boy with cancer get for christmas Nothing he didnt live that long

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Why shouldn't you hit a black guy on a bike? Because you would get charged with vehicular manslaughter and have the NAACP all up in your ass.

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Q: What do you do if A bunch Of black Guys Are raping a white Girl A: Throw A Basketball at them.

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Your mama's so fat, that it's ruined her self-esteem.

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How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Yarn

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you: Why did the chicken cross the road? them: "To get to the other side...?" you: Oh! *stare*

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a black hispanic and asian man jump off a cliff they all die and their families morn their deaths

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops