How do you get a guitar player to play softer? Ask them politely to turn down their volume.

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A woman says Renae has a butt... Two men say we don't care we have her hammer. True story.

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Why couldn't little Johnny drive the tractor? Because he had no arms. Why didn't he have any arms? Because he was a potato

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I went to church.. i didn't get raped. I went to school... I didn't get raped. I went into a back alley... I didn't get raped. I went home... I didn't get raped. Today was better than yesterday...

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A Mexican, A Caucasian and An African American walk into a bar. Suddenly, a rival of the African American's pulls up in a used Chevrolet and shoots him 6 times with a semi-automatic handgun. The Mexican and Caucasian are distraught and call 911 immediately. The rival is later arrested and found guilty of murder in the first degree by a jury of his peers. Less than 6 months later, the bar is closed due to the negative stigma surrounding the shooting. Urban life is a harrowing and tough experience that most outsiders will never fully understand.

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Your'e probably not going to laugh at this joke, it wasn't made to be funny

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boy and girl are flipping a coin, coin lands on heads, boy: get down bitch

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What did the Dildo say to the banana? Nothing, unless you're high on acid.

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What did the man with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A bike

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Knock Knock.

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hola said the chinese man

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why can't Helen Keller drive? because she's a women

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whats the difference between virgin and a porn star?? A virgin hasn't got aids.

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Why did the catfish cross the road? Catfish can't walk.

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How many footballs fit in a glass of liquid. none, this football is HUGE!!!

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A black man, a mexican man, and a caucasian man, walk into a bar with handguns. The three break out into a gun fight and everyone is killed in the cross-fire

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Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.

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What's Green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels

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What's grey and can't fly? A parking lot.

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What did the hunter say when he saw the elephants coming? Here come the elephants. What did the hunter say when he saw the elephants coming wearing a pair of sunglasses? Like wearing a pair of sunglasses as a dhitty disguise would confuse me. I took law at UCLA before becoming a professional game hunter and I've been in this business for almost 10 years. I think I know an elephant with or without sunglasses.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Never mind, it's just an imaginary door anyway.

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What's the difference between Micheal Jackson and a grocery bag? One carries groceries and the other molests children

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick

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-How do fit an elefant in a refrigerator? Open the door and shove it in -How do u fit a giraffe in a refrigerator? Take the elephant out and put the giraffe in -If the king of the jungle has a meating which animal doesn't come? The giraffe because hes in the refrigerator -How do u cross a lake where aligators and snakes live? U swimm because they're at the meeting

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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