What do you get when Johnson cooks toast? Shit toast.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

there is a man swimming in the ocean with a tree in the ground eating him up so , the cantelope asks the microwave where is the store the microwave says nothing because it is an inanimate object and cannot speak even though the cantelope can which is unfortunate

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why couldnt hellen keller drive because she was a women

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What has eyes but can not see, and rolls everywhere it goes? A man who fought for your freedom and lost both his eyesight and legs in doing so. Have some respect.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

What did the homeless man give his friends for Christmas? More AIDS.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

You: Did u hear the one about that guy walking into a bar? Them: No. You: He said it hurt

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What do you do if you are surrounded by 2000 Hungry cannibals? You talk to them in a calm yet determined diplomatic voice, then you become a part of them. Moral: A part of them... Forever.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

once you go black your credit goes wack

thumb_up thumb_down +10

N-E Pats never cheated

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Three surfers paddle out into the surf. They had a pretty good time, except one of them got a shit ton of water up his nose.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

I'm not wearing underwear Why not Cause I have built in underwear

thumb_up thumb_down +62

A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back distinctly better at the Trumpet.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the women leave the kitchen? Because she had been forcibly removed from her place of food preparation by a large angry mob of her neighbours who thought she was a wtitch and were now going to burn at the stake. It is Salem, november 1643.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A momma cow was grazing in the meadow with her three calves when the first one asked, "Mom, how did I get the name Rose? "Well when you were born, a rose pedal came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The second calf asked, "How did I get the name Daisy?" "Well when you were born, a daisy came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The third calf mumbled, "LKJLSKJFSLKJLKSJDF" incoherently, and the Mom responded, "Shut up, Cinderblock."

thumb_up thumb_down +4

If a midget is mentally retarded and always late for work, is it okay to call him a little tardy?

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A rabbi walks into a bar mitzwa.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Roses are red Violets are blue I have multiple personalities So do I

thumb_up thumb_down -44

No one walks into a bar The bar is slowly losing business and will soon be forclosed upon and will also lose his home as a result causing his family and himself to be homeless and slowly suffer on the streets

thumb_up thumb_down -41

What happens when you get your leg caught in an elevator door? Nothing. It is likely that the elevator has advanced sensory components that won't allow the door to close on your leg.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What do you call a man that was decapitated by a stray saw blade? An ambulance until when you have a reality check and realize that in the mass hysteria of witnessing such a horrific event that this man is already dead. You then callan undertaker, his family and his friends to attend his funeral in a week or so. You then walk over to him and cry.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Roses are red, violets are blue if God makes us beautiful, Who made you?

thumb_up thumb_down +6

On Tuesday mornings at 7:32 a.m., what is the square root of 31? I don't know, because it would be an irrational number of which is not possible to calculate without the aid of a calculator. However, the date and time would not affect the answer.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Welcome to die!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and and no legs in front of a door? A: A quadruple amputee.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops