How do you get a clown off a swing Hit it with an axe.

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Bob dole

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what do you call a monkey? a monkey

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When you give your homecoming date flowers, you're really handing them a bouquet of sex organs

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Whats worse than a clock with no hands? Your mom with cancer.

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If Miley Cyrus has the ability to come in like a wrecking ball, how come she can't twerk?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? A scorpion was trying to sting it in the anus and it wanted to escape the undoubtedly painful consequences.

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A Jew throwing a dime into a wishing well? Highly unlikely.

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What happened to the peanut who went to NYC? Nothing because he was eaten on the plane

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My new Muslim friend is the BOMB

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Why did the blind man cross the road? To end the suffering of a lifetime illness.

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What happened when my familys break on the car didn't work? They rolled down a hill and fell off a cliff and died. I loved them.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs in water? Drowning

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The young orphan boy had high hopes for this Christmas. When he woke up, he ran to the foot of the tree and saw a large box wrapped with seasonal wrapping paper. He looked at it to see that it was for someone else. The boy recieved nothing for Christmas and was later hit by a bus that had veered off of the road to avoid hitting a dog. The boy is now paralyzed and is extremely disappointed as to how his Christmas had unfolded.

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What do you call a black man with a small penis? Aids free

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Knock knock? Who's there? Interupting Doctor? Interupting Doc... You have cancer

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What does it mean if your tv appears floating away in the dark? You had an awesome tv.

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What did the kid say when the doctor said he had cancer Oh No

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Why did the Jew die? Because of old age

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I'm black and I will beat your children At checkers, they can have red

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Why did the TV fall of a cliff? Because a nice man was donating it to the homeless shelter which hangs over a cliff. The man placed the TV in the back room on the floor. There was a weak spot on the floor and when the fattest homeless person walked over the floor, the floor broke which was a HUGE inconvenience because he TV and the fat man fell through the floor and over the cliff, luckily the TV was plugged in so it was hanging by the cord but an old lady with Alzheimer's forgot that there was a hole in the floor and unplugged the TV so she could clean the switches. In the end the TV fell off the cliff.

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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What rhymes with bigger and can jump really high? Tigger

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I own two ferrets. I was merely stating something factual.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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