Why did Sally fall off the swing? She has no arms.

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What do you call postman pat when he is retired? Pat.

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How do you get a baby in a bowl? You put it in.

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What is the best way to avoid wrinkles as you age? Moisturise with a good quality moisturiser, use high factor suncream on the face, get plenty of sleep, drink plenty of fluids, wear a hat and sunglasses and stay in the shade between 11am and 3pm, and try to eat a diet that is heart-healthy (for example, wholegrain, oily fish, and/or flax seed), as heart failure over a long time leads to sagging skin with a loss of elasticity.

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Q: What's worse than 10 dead babies in a tree? A: I'm sure there are lots of things.

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? She's a women.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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Did you hear the one about the guy who went his whole life without ever telling a joke? He was still funnier than David Letterman.

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A mormon walked into a bar and realised it was a bar the he leaves

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What did the priest get for Christmas? Herpes

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your dads so fat, he makes your mom look skinny.

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Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: Immobile.

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What do a fish and a moose have in common? They both live under water, apart from the moose.

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What's the difference between a soldier and a black man? A black man lives a normal life, probably working a full time job to bring income to his family. A soldier has seen his friends killed right before his very eyes, has probably killed, and most likely has night terrors accompanied by the sounds of gunshots and grenades. He will suffer trauma up until he dies of a heart attack in his mid 80's after experiencing a terrifying flashback of life in the war.

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PATHETIC

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How do you fit 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender. How do you get them out again? With Doritos.

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what do you call a shoe with legs? roadrunners.

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whats red and smells like blue paint? half a painter.

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Why did the black man cross the road? he just wanted to cross the road, racist. ... after he had robbed a bank

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why didnt you take a shower? because my house burnt down

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Q: what's black, white and red all over A: a penguin in a blender

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Why was the blonde so dumb? Because she came from a very poor family and could not afford a decent education

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Twinkle Twinkle little wh**e close youre legs youre not a door. youre gonna get an S,T,D, youree only wanted cause youre free... Twinkle Twinkle little Wh**e youre cheeper then the dollar store

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why did my girlfriend fail her test? she was pregnant :'(

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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