What do you call a man with no arms or legs in water? Drowning

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The young orphan boy had high hopes for this Christmas. When he woke up, he ran to the foot of the tree and saw a large box wrapped with seasonal wrapping paper. He looked at it to see that it was for someone else. The boy recieved nothing for Christmas and was later hit by a bus that had veered off of the road to avoid hitting a dog. The boy is now paralyzed and is extremely disappointed as to how his Christmas had unfolded.

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The bird is not the word.... Its two

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What's the difference between a fine wine and a dead baby in a blender? One gets better as it ages, and the other is a horrific accident.

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What looks like half an Apple? The other half.

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Why do mermaids where seashells on their breasts? They don't wear anything because mermaids don't exist.

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What do you call a black man with a small penis? Aids free

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Japan is Weird We aren’t saying Japanese people are weird but it’s a fact that the strangest pictures floating around the internet are from Japan.

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There once was a man from Peru, he couldn't fit into his shoe. He went to Brazil bought a big. Swallowed it and died.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a pressure-sensitive explosive device.

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How do you confuse a Muslim? - Rub his belly.

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Knock knock? Who's there? Interupting Doctor? Interupting Doc... You have cancer

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What does it mean if your tv appears floating away in the dark? You had an awesome tv.

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'Knock Knock' "Who's there?" 'Nobody. Your schizophrenia has become so bad you can barely make it through a normal day without emotionally collapsing. Your social life has dissolved into a world of fear, and your personal relationships have crumbled away before your eyes. Major depression and anxiety are eating you away. You have nothing left.'

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What did the kid say when the doctor said he had cancer Oh No

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How do you kill a down-syndrome kid? fire.

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Why did the Jew die? Because of old age

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Roses are red Violets are blue Polytetrafluoroethylene is a synthetic fluoropolymer of tetrafluoroethylene that has numerous applications

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I love you

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I'm black and I will beat your children At checkers, they can have red

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The street outside of my house is covered in jelly. I have done this.

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Yo mama so ugly, she has to work harder than most women to attract men.

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Cancer.

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Why did the TV fall of a cliff? Because a nice man was donating it to the homeless shelter which hangs over a cliff. The man placed the TV in the back room on the floor. There was a weak spot on the floor and when the fattest homeless person walked over the floor, the floor broke which was a HUGE inconvenience because he TV and the fat man fell through the floor and over the cliff, luckily the TV was plugged in so it was hanging by the cord but an old lady with Alzheimer's forgot that there was a hole in the floor and unplugged the TV so she could clean the switches. In the end the TV fell off the cliff.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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