i heart wiener

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What do you call a one eyed hippo? A do-you-think-he-potamus

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Whats worse than the Holocaust? Finding two worms in your apple

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What's the Capitol of Washington dc? W

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What's black and white and red allover and can't fit through the door? A nun with a spear through her neck

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what do men with small penises use as condoms? appropriately sized condoms.

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what happened to the baseball player who couldnt throw? he was very unsuccessful, as throwing is the most important skill of the game

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Ill do a lot more than just try you, anyways, technically I learned to play the piano as a kid, but now I play on a small cheap keyboard (the musical kind) and sincerely, I kinda suck at it now, my abusive parents expected perfection beat the shit out of me blahblahblah, thats really all of it, trauma. My senses, well, when I was a kid I was terrified of gravity (one of the rarest fears in the world) because I had no idea I was consciously shifting things myself. So lets say... If I somehow end up hanging upside down, I just shift it, so my brain believes I am not and I experience no discomfort, there is a lot more to it, ill tell you, damn nose wont stop bleeding and my waifu got a bit scared, she got some bad bronchitis and she still has not recovered a 100 percent, but its just the cough now though... Lets just say that my ability to balance, is about 300-500 percent higher than any regular human, and that I can stand on one leg enough to beat the guiness record book 50 times... ...IIIIF I was in good shape, which I am not.

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The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

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Roses are red Heres something new Violets are violet not fucking blue

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Your momma's so fat that she has a body fat percentage of 37 and is clinically overweight.

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What is worse than using the toilet and then realising there's no toilet paper? A racially motivated massacre.

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Snapple Fact #1 -slaves made life easier

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How many footballs fit in a glass of liquid. none, this football is HUGE!!!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Before you sneeze Say PIK-Achoo

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What do you call a middle eastern man flying a plane?? A pilot.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was being herded into a slaughter house to be killed, then packaged and shipped out to restaurant venders all across the country.

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Q: How do you stop a hobo from stealing your money A: You steal the hobo

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What is the difference between John and John Nothing

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why did the bananan explode? it was a grenade

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How do you stop an assassin? Kill their target

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why did the fat woman die? ... because she tried to commit suicide and the ceiling collapsed on her.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, killed 6's family and made him watch...

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how come the exorcist eat crème brülé? because that deserves a carlsburg

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops