Doctor doctor, I came here as quickly as possible, it was just the nearest place I could find. My dog he... he's panting and bleeding and I don't know what to do I think he's dying and I just want him to hold on... Please... Well then go to a vet you stupid shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q:How do you make an accountant cry ? A: You kill his whole family

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why are you angry dude? I can't see my forehead

thumb_up thumb_down -2

To the person who wrote the dislike joke: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAH GOOD FAIL!

thumb_up thumb_down -23

How do you make a clown sad? Brutally murder his children.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What's the difference between Mitt Romney and a statue of Mitt Romney? The statue doesn't change its position.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the President Truman approve the use a nuke over Hiroshima? Sending Chuck Norris was widely considered to be too cruel.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Q: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if he tore his ACL last week trying out for wood chucking nationals? A: Woodchucks don't possess the ability to chuck wood, nor do they have ACLs.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

There once was a man from Nantucket Who got his head stuck in a bucket He yanked and he yowled, he hollered and howled, Then gave up and grumbled, "Aw, I guess I'll have to go to the doctor."

thumb_up thumb_down +5

knock knock who's there peedo peedo who scissors

thumb_up thumb_down -30

why can't timmy tie his shoes? Because timmy's an earth-worm

thumb_up thumb_down +4

whats black with purple?nothing no animals or humans have anything like that

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Roses are red Heres something new Violets are violet not fucking blue

thumb_up thumb_down -42

What do you call a black man who flies a plane? A Pilot

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Roses are white Violets are black I'm colorblind That is sad

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A dog says to a horse "Hey, why the long face?" the horse just looks at him.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Your mama's so fat her patronus is a cake!

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Knock Knock Come in Come in who? Come in...wait what?

thumb_up thumb_down +14

This is a joke for Homeless people:

thumb_up thumb_down -47

To be honest that sounds like more of a mental health issue and not something I'm qualified to deal with as a GP. Let me refer you.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

baskets

thumb_up thumb_down -4

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "what is this, some kind of joke?!"

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 has two penises

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops