A blond, a brunette, and a redhead all walk into a bar. They order martinis and have a nice evening.

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Hi my name is Burp -you can call me Bu Nice to meet you

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Q: How do you make a five year cry twice? A: There are many ways, as children are generally not that adept at controlling their emotions. Loud noises, threats of violence, images of scary monsters... those tend to work. Be sure to let them stop crying before making them cry again, otherwise you will have only made them cry once.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a fish.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have amnesia HOW THE HELL DID I GET HERE?!?

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Bob: The whale is a creature that isn't naturally capable of creating any kind of technologically advanced unit of operations? Spectator: Was that actually a question or a statement? Bob: To be candid, occasionally my mind registers the practically indelible impression that I am not competent enough to effectively articulate my relatively subtle thoughts of philosophical value. Spectator: What'd you attempt to explicate? Bob: Hello, contemporary. Spectator: That's definitely considerably better than, "Benevolent greeting to you, fellow indigenous inhabitants of the magnificant, planetary cynosure, Earth Prime." You've managed to improve! Bob: I shall try to emulate those simpletons of this planet in order to garner new allies. Maybe next time I should just stick with some traditional routines that many people currently practice on a daily basis. Now, it's time to examine some "test subjects" so to educate myself further on the nature of my numerous classmates, purported facillitators etc. Spectator: Bye. Bob: See you next time! Wow... I amaze myself with my ability to efficiently adapt to my circumstantial situations. I mean, I am a ninja student who has developed new skills at communication! Wait... nevermind. Bystander: man, were you just soliloquizing... and personally enjoying it? Bob: Ehhh,... No? Bystander: Was that a statement or a question?

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2 black guys and a Mexican are in the backseat of a car. Who's driving. The cops

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Knock Knock. Who's there? (a police officer steps in and says): What is red and green and peed all over? I dont know Im sorry to say, but its your mother. A group of teens killed her and defiled her body with urine. She was wearing green.

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Your momma's so fat she has diabetes and my have to get one of her legs amputated. It's actually quite sad.

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What do you get for the man that has everything already? Another one.

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A black man walks into a store with a ski mask on... what does he do?? he buys skiis.

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What's worse than getting struck by lightning? Getting struck while your in your house!!

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There is a wire, Let's put it on fire, The fire spread so did your legs, Now were both lying dead on your bed.

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baby seal walks into a bar

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who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Osama Bin Laden

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Roses are red Violets are blue If you came 'cause GameGrumps Fuck you.

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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? Because she is blind and is a women, who are notoriously bad drivers.

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everyone's always talking about the emperor's clothes, don't they know this is murica

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7

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I like toast -my name is Bob and I approve of this message

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How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool then don't let her come up for air.

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What did the disabled kid get for his birthday. The same as any other kid.

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Is it a bird, is it a plane?! No it's.... It's a bird.

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.sdrawkcab siht gnidaer era ouy ,siht daer nac ouy fI

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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