my girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile, thats a big word for a 3 year old

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a Mormon knocked on my front door three times, and i took three seconds to answer, whe shook hands for three seconds. how many dead kittens can fit in my blender?

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Q: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? A: Taking the laws of physics into consideration, most likely nobody

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"Why can't you hear pterodactyl when it goes to the bathroom?" "Because the pee is silent?" "No, because they are dead, you idiot."

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What's as hard as a rock? A rock

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was being chased by Osama.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Quetzalcoatl. Quetzalcoatl who? Quetzalcóatl, Mayan name Kukulcán, (from Nahuatl quetzalli, “tail feather of the quetzal bird [Pharomachrus mocinno],” and coatl, “snake”), the Feathered Serpent, one of the major deities of the ancient Mexican pantheon. Oh... hi.

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Whats the similarity between a bike and a black person? They are both stolen

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Why did the man die? He helped others before placing his own oxygen mask on.

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I am iron man 24 flavors in my van i am the icecream man i have met jackie chan

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What's worse than being held hostage? Waking up and finding dick your mouth

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Frostbite

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Why did the boy make a horribly unfunny anti joke? He was bored.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm Scizophrenic And so am I.

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A student goes up to the teacher because he has to go to the washroom. The teacher tells him that he has to sing the ABC's before he can go. So the boy sings, "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ." The teacher said he did a perfect job and could go to the washroom. The boy went on to become a billionaire. Congrats!

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What is black and blue? A pen with reversable ink.

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why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide? you would too if your name was uuhuhuhduhh

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Jeez Bill, how drunk was I last night? You took my pet parakeet, threw it at my daughter's piggy bank and yelled "ANGRY BIRDS!!!!"

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Why did Hayden Bryant walk down the street? Because he can, dont doubt Hayden Bryant.

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How do you get 1,000 dead babies into a car? Blender How do you get them out? Straw

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Black people

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have you heard of the new german microwave? it seats about 30

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What do you call a black guy selling drugs? A pharmacist.

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My mother forgot to make me a sandwich today.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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