Q: What did little Timmy get from his mother this Christmas? A: The contents of her will.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. He was butchered on the farm for chicken fingers.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It had died.

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Why did the man tell the other man to shut up? The other man said something that made the man who said shut up mad so he told the man to shut up.

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Son: Dad what does it mean to f***? Dad: Jimmy! don't use that kind of language.. use the word chainsaw instead. Son: Ok, well what does it mean to chainsaw? Dad: Well as you know, God created people, he started with Adam and eve and then he- Son: You keep referring to god as a he, are you suggesting that God has a penis? I guess that would explain the big bang theory... right? get it? Dad: ... Go chainsaw yourself, Jimmy.

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Two elephants are walking down the street. They have already killed 12 people including 11 children and their foster parent.

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How did the farmer stop the chicken from swearing? Cutting it's head off, skinning it, plucking it's feathers and cooking it on a medium heat for about an hour. He then served it up to his family with green beans, mash and parsnips.

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So an African American man and another man of Hispanic, more specifically Mexico, are riding in the backseat of a car, who's driving? Probably their private chauffeurs, but most definitely not someone related to the Police Department.

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I like my coffee the same way I like my women: without a penis!

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WNBA

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An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the cause was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Then the Atheist died a violent and terrible death.

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What's so funny about a heart attack? It's not kidney failure..

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haha Otarts was here

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What did the cow say to the other cow? Moo.

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I want a lot of likes...do it you wont. i know you wont.

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What did one penguin say to the other? Flippty-flop-dop-boop-de-bop. Jazzhands.

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Women's football

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Peg leg Pete, yay, I know stuff too, I watched that one all the time when I was a girl.

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I mustache you a question. But I'll shave it for later.

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Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

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How do you make a blond shut up? Staple her tongue to the roof of her mouth and super-glue her lips together.

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A student exclaimed "This test is a piece of cake!" He ate it.

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Whats black and white and eats like horse? A zebra.

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Why did the blonde buy a condom? Because she had a penis.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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