How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You set the alarm for a reasonable time. - Louis

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the chicken cross the road To walk back

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Little Johnny was always bullied at school. Everyday he would get picked on by the same kid, Todd. Todd was a red-headed bully with no discipline. Johnny one day went home and started crying. His father asked the little boy, "Jonny why are you crying?" John replied, "I keep getting bullied". His father stood up and told him, "You must become a big man and step up to him and tell him how you feel. It will surprise him and he will then back off. It always works." Johnny then felt inspired. Later that night he started practicing what he will say in the mirror. By the next morning he felt like he was ready. Johnny was confident about himself for once. He walked up to Todd and told him, "I'm tired of your bullying and next time you will regret it!!". Todd looked surprised and had his jaw opened. Todd then said, "I'm sorry Johnny I didn't know you felt that way." Johnny looked confused. "Here come with me and I'll buy us ice cream". When they went to go get ice cream, Todd brutally stabbed Johnny until he was losing blood and repeatedly raped his dead body.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Knock Knock! Who's there? The mailman! The mailman who? *opens door* Just kidding, I'm actually an axe-murderer!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What do you call a black man with a Ph.D? Doctor.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Whats black and blue and red all over? An infant after its been beaten with a bat.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Stevie wonder walks across the road without looking both ways.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

charly ate an apple. the apple was filled with poison and charly died.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

A Mexican walked into a bar. He never came back out.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Coach walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, i can't serve you. You aren't wearing pants. Coach says "put it on my bill."

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why are tests such a pain in the ass? Because your vomiting shit you'd learned the night before.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why was the little boy crying? Because a stranger shoved explosives up his butthole.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A horse walks into a bar gets shot then carried away in a helicopter

thumb_up thumb_down -5

"Bitches are fake, talk shit get hit!". False, female dogs cannot speak in the tongues of humans, and if they could I am sure excrement would not come from their mouths.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A Jew, a Muslim, and a Christian walk into a bar, they then sit down and discuss the various political factors driving a wedge between unity, peace, harmony and understaning between their religions. They resolve that despite the differences in religious belief, essentially they are all the same, and want happy existences with family and friends, and that equality and peace between religions should be a prime focus of religious institutions and governments. They then band together to criticize aetheists, who present a much more probable explanation for why the Universe is the way it is. An eavesdropper then mulls over the idea that the various religions represented behind him are willing to debate philosophical standpoints, so long as their monotheistic beliefs are not contradicted.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Once upon a time there was a man exercising, he pulled a muscle and had to have his heart removed. In other words, don't exercise. The end.

thumb_up thumb_down

What did the gay man die of? Obesity.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Whats worse than dieing of Alhzymers? Anal Rape

thumb_up thumb_down +18

why couldent Hellen Keller drive? Because shes a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why couldn't the girl brush her hair? Because she had leukemia

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I don't know what I've been told I'm a refrigerator

thumb_up thumb_down -91

25

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why do Mexicans always have heart burn? Because the food is spicy.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

why are chickens dying so fast? because black people are hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops