Why did Santa get stuck up a chimney? Because there was a family of possums living up there. They ripped his face off.

I like colin but not as much as apple

What did the raped girl say to the doctor? Nothing she was dead on arrival.

What did the dwarf do after he sore a mole? Nothing. dwarfs are mythological creatures and therefore do not exist.

What did Hitler say to his men before they got in the tanks? Get in the tanks

What happens when you cross a kangaroo and an elephant? Absolutely nothing. The two belong to entirely different animal families and their reproductive abilities are totally incompatible. A kangaroo could never fertilize an elephant, or vice versa. To suggest anything else is unrealistic and a physical impossibility.

What did the 20-year old woman say too the old man? HI GRANDPA!

Q: What weighs 6 ounces, is extremely dangerous, and lives in a tree? A: A sparrow with a machine gun.

Person 1: Why do eskimos wash their clothes in tide? Person 2: It works very well.

Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? He died! Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was attached to the first! Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? He thought it was a game! Why did the fridge fall out of the tree? The branch broke! Why did Sally fall off her bike? She got hit by three monkeys and a fridge!

Q) what happens when you tackle someone with 2 legs? A) you fall over

Biggest lie ever; "I have read and agree to the terms of service".

c:

Make a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day... set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Why was the comedian so funny? Because that's his job, and if he wasn't funny he would have to become a hobo.

potato farming

Why doesn't Michael Jackson like toast? Because he's dead.

What did the old man say? Nothing he was so old he died.

why did the baby cry? Someone threw a brick at his head.

Why did the plane crash? because the pilot was a tomato

What happens when you ask a blind guy to drive you somewhere? What happens if you ask a blind guy to drive? You will end up in a four way accident with 8 people dead 2 of which children and 1 baby. You might survive but the blind guy won't so you will have to go to court for him on the issue. You realize that you are terrible when it comes to the law and you get yourself thrown in jail for 2 years. When you get out you are so tired of getting butt raped that you go out and do it to someone else. Then you go back to jail an the process repeats it's self because this is the American justice system. We could work on it a little bit. But yeah, don't ask a blind guy to drive, your butt says thanks.

your mother is a well respected woman in society and makes delicious cookies.

there was a little girl walking through a park. then she was kidnapped and most likely raped and sold to a foreign country.

I grew up, if we cannot live for ourselves, we cannot live for others, remember how people admired us when in their presence, while mocking us behind our backs, most humans do nor respect those that do not rule with lies, false promises, all backed up by an army no amount of civilians can defeat. We lost because people got what they wanted, preferring false promises from all ranging from their Gods, to their politicians speaking about their Gods, promises of betterment as a result of war in the name of Gods, but we are not that people. The problem is, that I used to believe that all of humanity possessed the potential people you and I have, and realize now that when I began looking down at people, I began looking down at myself, considering us all equal to them. Red, we might be few, but we are worth far more than those we consider our equals, maybe it is time even we, sought to rule those that desire to be ruled, rather than to help them find their desired path, because their desired path, might always have been to be ruled.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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