Several of our "name brothers" have been attacked threatened and questioned almost every night since when we last talked on the phone, it turns out that these people are not after me. But after you, they have no idea that I retired years ago, and while their information is limited, you got yourself someone that is selling information on the deep web intentionally, as far as we know he might be selling you out piece by piece, and as of this point, you might be in dire danger.

what's worse than being chased by a turtle? being chased by an angry turtle

What did the cat say to the other cat? Woof.

Your mom is so hairy that she must not feel comfortable in her everyday life.

Why did the plane crash? The Pilot Wash a Loaf of Bread

Why did the kid want money? So he could buy pokemon cards.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Most likely to get to a source of food or escape a predator.

A man with no face walks into a bar, another man sees this and promptly asks "Sir, why do you have no face?" The first man says nothing and walks away.

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was an avocado

Why couldn't the black guy support his family? He was only 3 years old.

What did the devout Catholic man say to his gay neighbours who just got married? "Congratulations!"

A man walks into a bar with a couple of chickens by his side. He sees a man sitting at the bar drinking a beer. The man who's drinking the beer offers the other man a seat, and asks him to join him in the drinking. The other man hardly refuses and takes the glass from the other man and throws it on the with all his power to the floor. The man sitting at the bar asks him why he did it. The man answers: "My chickens don't like beer"

Q) What did the cowboy say to the astronaut? A) Howdy.

Why did the retard have no friends? Because somebody stitched his mouth and eyes shut so he couldn't be social.

Yo momma is so fat that we are incredibly concerned for her health.

“Ok, time for bed” … is what I said to the empty living-room. It was getting late, and the internet no longer amused me. I picked up my cell phone, rooted through the couch cushions until I located the remote, and turned off the television that had been nothing but background noise for the last few hours. I made sure the front and back doors were securely locked, walked around the back of the couch, and turned off the only light. A tap on the screen of my phone created just enough light to keep from busting a toe on an errant table leg. Because my cats have an evil tendency to lie in the middle of the hallway, I aimed the small amount of light from my phone directly in front of my tired and shuffling feet. I’d only covered a small distance before I knew, from many nights of this same regimen, that I was getting close to the bedroom door. At this point my arm started the slow upward arc that would eventually illuminate the now pitch-black opening to the comfort of my room. The light emanating from my cell was quite dim, and this action had become quite rote, so my arc was about waist level before I noticed a slight variation of the familiar black of the open doorway. At that point, and in a disturbingly short amount of time, five things happened nearly simultaneously: My arm, the arm carrying the phone, continued to rise in its predetermined arc, having been an object in motion which would stay in motion. I released a small gasp and exclaimed to my husband that his sudden appearance in the dark had startled the breath from me. I remembered that my husband was at work. The light arc reached its apex on a face of protruding nail-like teeth. A face suspiciously bereft of eyes, with a gaping, oozing, bloody pit where a nose should have been. The light went out.

What did the man with no teeth say? I need some teeth.

what's the difference between a babie and a watermelon. one's fun to hit with a hammer. . . ht other ones a watermelon.

What’s worse than being ruled by Adolf Hitler? Being ruled by Joseph Stalin.

A man walks into a bar and is promptly sent out because he is under the age of 21.

Whats the difference between a fish and whale? Ones bigger than the other.

Why did i write this joke knowing i wont get published? I don't know.

How did the little boy die? Malaria Why? He was poor. Why? A Jew stole his money.

What's funny? At the exact moment you read this, someone is suffering from domestic abuse.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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