Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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patty was in sunday school, the teacher asked her "patty who created the universe?" john sliped into the seat next to her and jabbed her with a pen "LORD ALMIGHTY" the teacher said' good patty now who gave himself for us? john again jabbed her with a pin "JESUS CHRIST" "that very good patty now what did mary say to joseph after they had their 23 child?" john jabbed her " IF YOU STICK THAT DAMN THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME ILL BREAK IT IN HALF!!!" the teacher fainted

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear, The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

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Yo momma's so fat, she's broke 'cause she spent too much money on food.

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Today is jessica's birthday and she is turnig 6 She walks in the living room to tell her dad its her birthday. Jessica"Dad, Dad guess how old i am today!" Dad "How old?" Jessica"6 dad im am 6". she walks into the kitchen to tell her Grandad Jessica" papa papa guess how old i am today" Grandad"Well for me to know this you would have to take of your panties" as he tells her she did as she was told. her grandad fingers her and smells her panties. He tells her "You are 6 today" Jessica"How did you know" Grandad"I listen as you told your dad in the dinning room".

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It had completed its task on the aforementioned other side and was returning back to the coop for a feeding now that the sun had set.

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Q:what is the most annoying word that means nothing? A:every word has a meaning your question is invalid. ~Phish <3

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V I T A M I N C !

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Whats worse than an oompa loompa a black midget

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What starts with F and ends with UCK? FUCK

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Q: How do Hellen Keller's parents punish her? A: They give her a timeout

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What do you call some one in the middle of the ocean without a boat skrewed.

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A brunette child with a blond mother is crying. Why? Because his father was just mauled by a Scandinavian dragon.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? What chicken?

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What did the Amazonian tribesman say to the European explorer? Nothing, he was focussing on eating him.

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Hey I just met you you are a sneaker smell my gym socks and then pick oot throughyour nose

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And I want you like Anne Frank wanted ... nobody to read her diary. Cuz, like a diary is a collection of secret things that no one else reads, that's the whole point of a diary. Millions of people have breached this little girl's privacy after she was chased by Nazis. Kick her while she's down.

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Why did it suck to be a black jew during the Holocaust? cause you had to go to the back of the oven

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In Soviet Russia, everything you do will have an equal and opposite effect, for the laws of physics still apply in every part of the world. No matter where you are.

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What do a helicopter and a banana have in common? They are both edible. Except for the helicopter.

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What do you call a black man eating dessert? A man of African ancestry enjoying a sweet treat.

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how long does it take for a black woman to poop? women dont poop, especially not halle berry

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What do you call white trash Garbage

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Q) what's black and white and red all over? A) a slaughtered zebra.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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