Why did Sally fall off the swing? - Because she had no arms. Why couldn't she get back up again? - Because she had no legs. Why didn't anyone help her? - Because she had no friends. Knock knock. -Who's there? Not Sally.

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What did the cat say to the other cat? Meow.

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Q: Why did the boy cross the road? A: Because he was getting chased by a pedophile

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Why did the chicken cross the road? There must have been something that peaked her interest.

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Light travels faster than sound, thats why people look smart until they talk.

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What do you call a Jew with 20 Pounds of Pennies? A rich man

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Roses are brown, violets are brown, someone keeps shitting in my garden

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What do you call a needle with two points? A two headed needle.

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What's the difference of 13 and 4? 9

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What did Rebecka black say on Thursday? Today is thursday.

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"Aids" "What?" "Yup, you just got aids­­­."

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What did James say when he couldn't find his car? "My name's James".

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Why do black people sit so far back in their seats? Because they're used to sitting in the back of the bus

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A man who was not blind, but could not see, walks around a metal bar, and proceeds to the bar, where he walks into the door without opening it first

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Q. Why did the middle-aged man need glasses? A. The man's father had poor eyesight and therefore could not see well without the help of glasses.

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What happened to the little boy that went to The Penn State locker room? He had a great day meeting the team and watching the football game.

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I've lost my electron!! Are you sure? Yes! I'm Positive!

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What do you get when you jab a four year old with a pair of scissors? A warrant for your arrest.

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A man visits his doctor for an annual checkup. "Doc, I feel great! I'm running 5 miles a day, I just got promoted at work, and sex with my wife has never been better!" A few weeks later, his doctor calls him in. When he arrives, the doctor looks at him grimly. "I have some bad news. You have lung cancer." "But how? I don't smoke. My wife doesn't smoke. I have never felt better." The doctor pats him on the back, reassuringly. "This may be true, but you still have lung cancer."

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why cant dinosaurs talk? because they're all dead

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How do you get a blond to fall over? Shoot her with a shotgun.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? Neither has he, he's blind.

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Why did the girl drop her ice cream her cone broke

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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