roses are scarce, violets are farse, come over here and i'll stick it up ya ar#e.

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What's the best way to toss a salad? With a salad spinner from the home shopping network.

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Knock, knock -The door's open.

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5 little monkeys jumping on the bed. one fell off and bumped his head. momma called the doctor and the doctor said "your son is now a vegetable. he can no longer use his brain for things such as moving, talking, or eating. you are going to have to take care of him for the rest of his life. it is also going to be a burden on you and your husband because taking care of someone in this condition is very expensive, and could end up costing thousands of dollars each year."

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Get off my porch.

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Q: What did the guy with glasses say to the guy without glasses? A: Dude your not wearing glasses.

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I met a fat girl and fucked her on an elevator. . . It was wrong on so many levels.

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One day a baby hit himself on the head with a stuffed animal. I lied, it was a brick, so he died.

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A group of Germans eagerly await the FIFA football rankings. England is fourth.

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Why did Harry get in the taxi? His mother told him to put his seatbelt on.

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Your mom is so hot your daddy married her and they lived happily ever after

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Romeo and Juliet both die at the end of the book. HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHA i just screwed you guys over.

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A man walks into the office for an appointment. The doctor proceeds to perform the usual examinations, before asking the man to turn his head and cough. As is standard, he feels the man's testicles to check for irregularities. The man jokes, "Say doc, couldn't you at least ask me to dinner first?" The doctor replies, "You have testicular cancer." He died a month later.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.

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Enters password. Sorry your password must contain the entire alphabet, your left foot, a theme song to a television show, and the blood of your enemies. Enters password. Password Strength: Weak

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Last year my wife ran away with my best friend. I really miss him.

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How many Italians does it take to change a light bulb....... 1

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I feel like making a good joke.But i cant. YN

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ERROR 3045: This joke has gone bankrupt and Is laying in the hospital//:: THE CAUSE: OBAMA CARE

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A horse walks into a bar and asks the bartender "why the long face?" The bartender replies "this is the fourth time this week a horse walked into my bar and every time it happened i have to clean up a bunch of horse pooh!"

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Q:How many Jews can you fit in a car? A:Two in the front, two in the back, and however many will fit in the ashtray.

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How you your turn a trashcan into a semi-automatic AK-47? You don't. But ask the irishman who just said "hello" to you.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

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*Knock knock* "Who's there?" "Would you mind turning your music down a bit please? I have reports to write."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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