What did the doctor say to his dying patient? Shit happens.

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I used to play Skyrim but then I took an arrow in the knee. Then, I played MW3 until I took a bullet in the elbow. And now, I'm in the hospital wondering why people keep harming me.

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What did my grandma tell me during a funeral? Nothing. It's her funeral. She's dead.

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Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms... Why couldn't sally get up? She had no legs Why did no one help sally? Because she has no friends.

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What did jimmy get for dinner? Food

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What do you call a white guy sitting on a bench? The NBA.

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Why didn't the Mexican dwarf eat his taco? Well, he actually started, but he had already had one earlier. So, he gave half to his friend who gladly accepted the free taco.

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A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street when they see an orphanage on fire. "Oh my god!" says the rabbi. "We have to save the children!" "Screw the children!" says the priest. "Out of what?" replies the rabbi.

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whats big and green and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? a snooker table

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How do you confuse an idiot? By confusing an idiot.

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Jack Stevens

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A black man accidentally walks into a white man. They apologize to each other and carry on with the rest of their day.

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Q: What did the magician do to cure his cold?? A: Took medicine!

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why do i love my iphone because its a very versatile electronic device with many uses and i can get the anti-joke app

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What was the last thing to go through Kurt Cobain's mind? His teeth.

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Writing is hard Poems are strong I am muslim And this is a bomb.

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A rabbi walks into a bar mitzwa.

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What is frowned upon no matter what country you're in? Sex on a plane.

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Why was Martha put in a wheelchair? She was hit by a rabid cabbage.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Oh wait i screwed up, Because of u

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Teacher:What is the outer layer of a tree? Dog:Bark. Teacher: What is the square root of 69? Dog:8.30662386

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Why did the eskimo drag the seal into the igloo? Because the whale wouldn't fit.

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What would Billy Mays do if he were alive today? Yell.

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What do you call a man with one ear? A one-eared man.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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