No one walks into a bar. It is closed.

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what did the mother say to the banana? I'm going to eat you like your father.

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Whats worse that having cold soup? Cancer

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Roses are red Violets are blue Grass is green Skies are blue

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "why the long face?". The horse replies "My wife is dying of terminal cancer."

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What did the cow get for Christmas? A tree

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KNOCK KNOCK who's there? hello is anybody there? hello?....... .....the number your trying to reach has been removed please hang up the door knob and put the squirrel back in the lawnmower were belongs

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Knock knock. Who's there? The Police. Your family is dead...

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So a Hispanic, African-American, Jewish, and Asian man were walking down the street. They were involved in a parade that celebrated racial equality.

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What the difference between a car and a dead child I dont have a car in the basement

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Q: What is black, white and red all over? A: Interracial sex during the time which the bible has decreed as abhoration.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Wheres my tractor?

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A teenage girl walks into a bar and orders an alcoholic drink. The bartender declines the order as she is under the legal age of purchasing and consuming alcohol.

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A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, "What'll it be?" The duck doesn't say anything because its a duck.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You set an alarm for a reasonable hour.

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What did the clown say when his car broke down? Sh*t!

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Whats blue, fuzzy and has little red dots all over? Beats me...

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Why doesn't Michael Jackson play with Macaulay Culkin? Because he's dead.

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Q: What's Black and White and Red All Over? A: This is a logical fallacy. If something is "Red All Over," it is implied that no other color can be showing. Thus, whatever innate Black and/or Whiteness was formerly attributed to said object will now have been inherently obfuscated by its Redness.

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Lets just say some of my boys owed me a favor, and that if we where all "clean slate workers" I would never have been able to pull some favors out of the higher ups. As far as for "these Shadows" of yours, I know nothing, while I invented the encoding format for the messages you use, I intend keeping it to myself. People here will still assume this is bullshit unless you get somebody to hack this site, believe me, its pretty damn easy to retrieve whatever data might have been lost.

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i like boobs haha ha hahaha

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"How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?" "Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door." "How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?" "Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door." "The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. Which one?" "The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator." "There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat." "You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting."

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How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side!

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Why did the cat cross the road? To see its mom who was lying dead on the other side

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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