- Anti Joke

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Suzie.

Why did the little boy tell his classmates jokes? To try and fit in for once.

rosie o'donald goes on a diet

How do you throw a party in space? You planet!

What's the difference between a red shirt and a blue shirt? one is red and one is blue

Is your refrigerator running? I heard there was a power outage in your area.

Q. How do you kill 5000 flies? A. Slap a afraican in the face.

Why do all gingers get mad all the time except having sex? Because they enjoy it!!!

Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

A Mexican and a black person both jump off a bridge, who hits the water first? Neither, as all matter falls at the same rate, regardless of weight, size, or ethnicity.

Why did suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock - who's there? Bob -bob who.... Bobs knocking for suzie!

i don't hate you because your fat ...your fat because i hate you

Me: f*** off Asshole: YOU'RE MOM! Me: -is dead.

Teddy- Last Thursday, A nice man named teddy was laid off at his local police department. Teddy was depressed, and mad at himself for his own failure. Teddy went to the library and found a book on Suicide. The librarian asked if he had his library card. He said yes, and presented it. The librarian scanned the card and checked out his book. Teddy went to his home and read a few chapters in his book, he found it useful. He then traveled to a firearms store and purchased a handgun. The clerk said that there was a sale on 40 count packages of the bullets he was buying. He said no thank you; I will only need one bullet. Teddy paid and went on his way home to find some peace. He did not find it………………… Because there was an annoying mocking bird outside his window. Teddy knew of this, and used his new weapon to shoot the bird. He only needed the one bullet because he was an ex-police officer, and had good aim. Teddy then used his new found knowledge on the topic of suicide, and wrote a remarkably well written article for a magazine he had interviewed for. Teddy knew that the prompt (suicide in the United States today) was very challenging, and he was compelled to hear how well he had done. The article landed him a new job as a writer for the magazine. On Friday, Teddy started his new job, and was delighted to learn that his new office was complete with a window that over looked the whole town. What a view, he remarked. He then threw himself out the eight story window, and landed on a homeless blind man. The homeless blind man had a coat full of newspapers to keep him warm in the winter time. And the padding suppressed the lethality of Teddy’s fall. He remarked how ironic it was that the homeless person‘s warm coat would never keep him warm again. Teddy laughed, and continued on with his fulfilling day until the police arrested him at 5:13 in the afternoon. He was a dashingly handsome toaster that supplied the town with lots of warm bread. So the police released him. And teddy and the Hooker lived happily ever after. Saturday, Teddy’s relationship with the hooker began falling apart. He was drinking now, and every now and then he came home a little too drunk. He beat and raped her………….. And nine months later they had a beautiful baby boy named Sam. They nurtured Sam till the ripe old age of 16. (Unfortunately, nurture for Teddy meant more rape and beating) For Sam’s 16th birthday, he was lead to the basement for a surprise party, where he was tripped into a wood chipper and ground into a fine pulp. Teddy added a blend of chili powder and sour cream. The hooker suggested that he should add some pickled jalapeño juice, but Teddy argued that it would be too spicy and ruin the chili. But the banana commented that he could add extra sour cream if the spice was to over whelming. Teddy trusted bananas, and added the pickled jalapeño juice. He then entered the chili in the local chili bowl competition and won second place. He was once again disappointed in his work, and went on a rampage killing all the bananas that ever betrayed him. Despite his good looks and practical use, Teddy had to face the continuances of his actions. He was discharged from his position at the local police department. Sunday, Damn, thought Teddy, the library’s closed on Sunday. The End

Knock knock Who's there? (Punch the listner in the face)

A blode takes a trip to her favorite restaurant. She arrives safely. After consuming a delicious meal she dies of cancer.

Did you hear the one about Steven Hawking into a bar? I havn't either, but its probably a hoot.

Roses are red, violets are blue, if i gave a rats ass, I'd worry about you.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? When you think that there is no worm in your apple, but after your second bite you look down in disgust as you notice you have eaten half of the worm and see the other half wriggling about in your apple.

Knock Knock Who's there? I don't know Then why should I care I don't know

How many Polacks does it take to screw in a light-bulb? One. A person's ethnicity or country of origin, or religion for that matter, would have no bearing on one's ability to perform the relatively simple task of installing a light-bulb. Furthermore, there is no reason to use the negative slur 'polack' when referring to a person of Polish descent.

What do you call a muslim in an airport? A muslim going on vacation you racist bastard.

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't because it got hit by a car.

There are two eggs sitting in a carton in the refrigerator. The first egg says, "Sure is cold in here, eh?" The second egg replies, "Holy crap! A talking egg!"

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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