Obama enters a KKK meeting Obama: Oh sorry I thought this was the Kentucky Fried Chicken... the font was so small so... as he starts backing off scared... KKK: leader, of course Mr.President, feel free to come again anytime! Moral: Kings Knocking Ketchup is actually a nice place if you not unlike me enjoy ketchup...

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What did the blond do on October 12th? Get hit by a bus

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Whats the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick into someones ass

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Remember when Jesse Ziegenbein was skinny?

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What did the duck say to the pickle? Quack

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What happened to the boy with AIDS? He died at the age of 12

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What do call the time things don't go the way you plan them? Reality. bitch

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What's worse than taking a bite in an apple and finding a worm in it? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.

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What is the difference between a Jew and a Muslim? Their religion.

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Oh you expected a funny joke? Oh well

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why did the semen cross the road? i wore the wrong sock today.

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why did susie fall off the dollar coaster? it only cost 50 cents susie is gone now

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Whats worse than a mother of 3 children, jumping off a bridge, smashing into the metal roof of a large car and dieing on impact? A mother of 3 children jumping off a bridge, smashes into the metal roof of a large car, survives,, becomes paralyzed, and has to explain to her children, why she is in a wheel chair for the rest of her life.

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Why do Christian protest against gay marriage? They protest because they believe gay marriage is a sin.

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what is the only thing in the world that can pick up 1000 jews at once? A vacuum cleaner

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How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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What separates man from animal? Divorce.

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What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Released some juice and burst its skin.

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A man walks into a bar. The other one ducks.

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In the movie Inception, what does the man do after he thinks about calling out to his children so he could see them one last time? The man calls out to his children.

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Whats the deal with airline food? I dont know, the cost is included in the plane ticket

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what's the worst way to fall asleep? sad. it makes you lose sleep.

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your momma is so fat she eats a lot of things

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Whats worse than being raped? Being raped and murdered.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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