What the difference between a car and a dead child I dont have a car in the basement

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A; On the other side was another beautiful looking chicken who he plans to marry and raise a family with.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread. Why did the car crash? Because the driver was a loaf of bread. Why did the boat sink? Because the pirates attacked.

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What did the coal miner get for Christmas? Black Lung Disease

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if life gives you lemons...chuck them back and say i wanted muffins instead!!!!

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What do you call a person with a cane? someone with a walking disability

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What starts with the letter P and ends with O-R-N? Popcorn

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Roses are red violets are blue im a mass murderer and i will kill your family with no hesitation

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Your mother is so old, she could easily be considered a senior citizen.

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The people who posted those extremely long "jokes" down there have no life.

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whats black and blue and red all over? my wife shhh!

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What is the difference between a girl and a boy? Well, a girl has two x-chromosones but a boy has and X and a Y chromosone.

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Why the chimp fell off the tree? Because it's dead.

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what do you call an ocelot with ebola? an ocelot that might die soon.

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what meows and is fuzzy and smells like manure? a cat being being killed with a chainsaw next to a cow

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There is a young boy called Clive, and his dad asks him what he wants for his birthday: "I would like one yellow golf ball please dad" he said. Of course, his father was quite surprised by his son's request, but nevertheless, he got him a yellow golf ball for his birthday. A few years later, clive does amazingly well at school and gets all As in his final exams. Filled with pride and love for his son, his father says to him: "I can't begin to tell you how proud i am of you, Clive. In fact, you can have a preasant! What do you want?" Clive thinks for a moment. "i would like one hundred yellow golf balls please!" His father was a bit annoyed at his strange request, but neverrtheless, gave Clive his yellow golf balls. A few years later, Clive wins the gold medal at the olymics for the 100m sprint. His father is very proud: "Son, i am so happy about the way you've turned out. You make me so proud. Is there anything you want me to do for you?" "can i have 1000 yellow golf balls please" Now his father got annoyed, he thought Clive was taking the piss. Eventually though, he calmed down and got clove the golf balls. Unfortunatley, Clive gets diagnosed with a deadly disease. His father is heartbroken. And as clive is lying on the hospital bed, his father moves close and speaks to him. "Son" he said, tears welling up in his eyes, "I just want to ask you one thing." "Ok," Clive said, as he too started to get emotional. "Why on earth did you want all those golf balls?" Clive looked deep into his father's eyes, as he took his last breath said: "I wanted them because- ack -splutter- ack" And he died.

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What do you call a black garbage man? A garbage man

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Roses are red,violets are blue, im epileptic sdblkselhvefbed

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Whats the difference between a baby in a comma and an iPod? I actually use the baby.

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Gretta has five legs? -no

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roses are scarce, violets are farse, come over here and i'll stick it up ya ar#e.

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Suicide is never funny Unless it's a clown

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Jack and Jill went up the hill. But it was winter and they froze to death

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Did you hear about the guy with seven fingers? You should, because almost everybody has seven fingers.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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