How many tickles can you give an octopus? Ten tickles

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Eliz, Neo-Nero, its me Clint, had to fake my death for some years in order to get back to the order. Neo, I know Nero picked you as his successor, but honestly, I was his first choice, and I know you well enough to understand that things are getting out of hand over there. I will be there in 2 minutes Liz and you and I can meet up Neo, seriously what are you doing over there? Unless there is a problem do not bother answering, allow me to take charge of operations at least until tou calm down Neo, and unless you got problems with my absent authority I suggest you stop torturing people at once, and seriously if you cannot control your own people, you better let me back in charge. It is time to turn some things around guys, believe it or not but I found where the Spetz came from and I got em all, as for the Nazi scum they where just hired thugs and as far as my Intel goes most of those where taken down by Nero. Clint Lawman. Moral: "WTF? THESE ARE NOT EVEN MORALS! NO THESE ARE THE CODES WE USED TO AUTHENTICATE THE SOURCE AND SENDER OMG! ORLY? SRLSLY? LOL OMG!"

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What did the blonde say when she saw anti-joke.com for the first time? Nothing. She's been in a vegetative state for three years and her parents finally decided to pull the plug.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A baby seal walks into a club.... Oh....

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How many women does it take to ski across the pit of lava? None, they would burn and die.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

guess wat chicken butt guess why chicken thy guess who chicken poo guess how he chickened out

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because her family lived in the countryside and her family's income was very far below average and in the time of her miraculous breakthrough, automobiles were for the wealthy families and obviously her family was not wealthy. She wouldn't have been able to drive even if she wasn't blind or def. The economy pretty much hated her and her family.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

2 moose sitting in a tree, suddenly there came a boat and landed in the tree next to them, then said one of the moose, he probably lives there

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did Zeus say to Hades? Nothing. Both are mythological beings created by the Greek civilization to explain why many things in the world happened, mostly because of a lack of modern science.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Maturity is a virtue.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

What's 6 + 9? 15.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

DON'T LOOK A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH BECAUSE HORSES HAVE BAD BREATH

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Q: What did zero say to the eight? A: Nice belt

thumb_up thumb_down +9

whats 1 + 1? 2

thumb_up thumb_down +15

--"Do you like impressions?" -Yeah! --"Why?" ................... --"That was Socr-ates."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q: What's blue and fuzzy A: Blue fuzz

thumb_up thumb_down +5

whats red and bad for your teeth? A Brick

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what rhymes with sloth? -RaPe-

thumb_up thumb_down +7

When life gives you lemons you get sugar and water and make some good lemonaide.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? Pick it up and suck its dick.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What does a blond see when she looks at a dog? A four legged mammal, refered to as canis lupus familiaris, or what is commonly known as a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Roses are red, Violets are blue. So was my son after I beat him to death.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

I am a schizophrenic, so am I.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

A Jew walks into a bar. It probably hurt

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops