A man walked into a metal bar, they were playing Metallica.

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What did Tiger Woods say when his wife hit him with a golf club? "Why did you hit me with a golf club".

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What happens when you spend far too much money in a gambling machine during a solar eclipse on a leap year? You get poor.

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Mary had a little lamb. Then Died.

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What is the difference between a duck. One of its legs are both the same.

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Why did the man push open the door? The sign said PUSH.

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What did the kitty say when it's owner called him over? Nothing. It's owner killed him.

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Roses are black, Violets are black, I'm blind

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If a hen lays an egg in the middle of a roof, which way would it fall? To the east, as there was a brisk wind in that direction.

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What do you call an african american child that hasn't eaten in a week? hungry.

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Q) What is black, white, and red all over? A) A zebra that just became the kill of a hungry carnivore

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A car walked into a bar... wait no it didn't it has wheels.

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There was a two car pile up at wal-mart. 50 mexicans were killed.

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What did the 12 year old boy get for Christmas? Herpes

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This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

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What is three times more dangerous than war? Three wars.

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A rabbit hops into a bar and sits on a stool, he then asks for a carrot, the barman didn't have a clue what he said because it was a rabbit so gives him a carrot to be generous. The bar door slams open and animal control put him in a cage and take him away. The moral of the story is that you should never let rabbits in your bar.

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What do Michael Jackson and most Catholic priests have in common? They're dead.

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What did the man with no teeth say? I need some teeth.

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What has 8 legs , 6 eyes and 3 mouths ? - A cowboy riding a horse while holding a chicken .

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I enjoy anal.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why are you worrying about the chicken? You just got shot.

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Why did everyone die in the world? Its 2012.

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I've got 99 problems and they're all stressing me out and causing me to be very unhappy.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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