why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible for his school's football tryouts. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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If I was a regular squirrel, I would be pissed at flying squirrels.

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what happens when you shoot a piece of soup It dies

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Who moved faster? The snail or the blind man? The blind man until he ran into the road and got hit by a bus.

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What's big, red and looks like a bucket? A small blue bucket labeled big red bucket.

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roses are red facebook is blue no mutual friends who the heck are you

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it died.

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Why did the little boy wipe his face with a towel? It was covered with his dog's blood after getting hit by a bus.

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What's black without keys. A keyboard after you hit it with a shovel.

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A Jew man gets on a train. He sits down and a hour and a half later he is dropped of at his proper destination.

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A French, an American and a Belgian are going together on holidays. I hope they'll have good weather.

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Cancer victim: What kind of doctor are you? Person 2: I'm not a doctor. In fact, I'm a suicide bomber and am planning to initiate the detonation sequence right now. Cancer victim: Well, it doesn't really matter. No matter who shows up, I'll still die anyways. This way, I'll be able to pay a visit to the transcendent city high in the heavens sooner. Person 2: I bet that many would mourn your death at your remembrance ceremony. Cancer victim: That doesn't bother me. My friends and family are close to my heart, but that doesn't warrant eternal proximity with one another in itself. Person 2: Let's go to a better place. Let us finally break free of our mortal chains that have unceasingly been hindering our progress since the first war took place. Cancer victim: Wait, I've changed my mind! Person 2: Too late. I wish I had a time machine... not.

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"What the hell is wrong with you?" "..."

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Why Is Billy So Dumb? He Didin't Pass School

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How do you occupy a blonde for hours ? Give her a long list of stuff to do.

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Q: Why don't gingers have souls? A:Ginger is a root that consumed whole as a delicacy, medicine, or spice. Why would it have a soul?

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Did you hear about the Australian man who was jumped by a gang of Americans with knifes? He had his cash and possessions stolen from him, and had to spend two weeks in hospital due to stab wounds.

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Hi

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How does a man with no legs cross a road? In his wheelchair.

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what gets louder as it gets smaller? a baby in a trash compacter.

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A man is eating in a restaurant and says, "Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!" The waiter says, "I'm sorry, can I bring you some salad instead?"

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Why did the squirrel fall out the tree? It was dead Why did the second squirrel fall out the tree? It was stapled to the first squirrel Why did the the third squirrel fall out the tree? Peer pressure Why did the fourth squirrel fall out the tree? It thought it was a game Why did the tree fall over? It thought it was a squirrel Why did the postman die? He got hit in the head by four squirrels and a tree

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Knock Knock Who's There? Im Black Im Black Who Open The Door Now Pancakes Granted

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Knock Knock, Who's there? Duck, Duck who? Duck Sandwich

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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