Son: Dad what does it mean to f***? Dad: Jimmy! don't use that kind of language.. use the word chainsaw instead. Son: Ok, well what does it mean to chainsaw? Dad: Well as you know, God created people, he started with Adam and eve and then he- Son: You keep referring to god as a he, are you suggesting that God has a penis? I guess that would explain the big bang theory... right? get it? Dad: ... Go chainsaw yourself, Jimmy.

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Why did the creator of Anti-Joke.com make the website? Because he probably wanted to promote his book and make more money.

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A Irish man walks our of a bar

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I don't understand what's so bad about a worm in your apple. Just get the proper software to clean it up, or even better, get a PC

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I'm bad at poetry, ELEPHANTS!

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My friend thought that an onion was the only food that could make you cry, so I threw a watermelon at his face.

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If you beat Chuck Norris in arm wrestling, you will be proud of yourself and he will go home with nothing.

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Q: a black man and a mexican are in a car. Whos driving? A: The mexican. They're going to the bookstore to get some books.

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Why did the elephant climb the tree? Because he didn't want to tie his shoe.

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How can a hobo become rich? It can't. It died from food poisoning from eating food out of the trash.

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What do u get when you mix a young asian woman and a black man? Tiger Woods

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A baby seal walks into a club...

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How do you prevent a drowning..? A: You don't throw the black man in the portwater

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Twelve muffins were baking in an oven. One muffin said "Where are we?" Another muffin said "Yikes! A talking muffin!"

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Friends are just like trees. They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

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life is like a box of chocolates, it sucks if you have diabetes

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How do you get someone to paid attention to etys You don't, there is no such thing as retys

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Yo mamma is so old that she lives in a retirement home for the aged, and will most likely die there in several years.

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Why couldn't the baker get a new car? Because he lived in a recession and nobody was buying his cakes.

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A man finds a magic lamp and rubs it. A genie appears and says that he will grant him 3 wishes. The man says "I wish for a duck". POOF! He got a duck. Then he says "I wish for a penguin". POOF! A penguin magically appears. He thought long and hard for his 3rd wish. Then he said "I wish I had a turtle" POOF! Suddenly out of nowhere the genie disappears. The man looked inside the magic lamp and saw a small turtle. The end.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was being chased by a predator and crossing the road led it away from it's pursuer.

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Why did the Mexican wait outside Home Depot all day? He was hoping to be hired as day-labor to provide for his family.

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Yo momma is so fat, I gave her a cupcake and she enjoyed it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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