What do you call a kid with cancer? screwed

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Two cows are in a field. One says to the other, "are you worried about this mad cow disease that's going around?" The other replies, "I'm not worried - I'm a squirrel."

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What do you call a joke without a punchline?

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Doctor: I bring grave news. Your wife is dying. She won't survive for another 100 years. Concerned and anguished Husband: Oh... that's ok! Doctor: Oh did I say years? I meant days! Oh the mirth! *The doctor breaks down into hysterical laughter, which the Concerned and Anguished Husband is furious to see, as the Doctor is taking delight out of such a grave situation.

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I'm off to my tank guys!

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What's black and blue and lives in a kitchen? A 1940's housewife.

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Whats the easiest way to kill a blonde? Shoot her

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what do jews like the most? money, because they're all greedy fat nosed cunts

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Do you work at subway? Because I often enjoy eating there and i think the food is pretty good. I do not however eat there everyday because i might get overweight and get a eating disorder.

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My mom always said it was fun to jump into a pile of leaves... That was before she was devoured by a 10 ft. scorpion.

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Here's a little diddy I wrote for One Direction: Now One Direction, don't forget that we all know About the antics that you pull at your own live shows Like you take your own lyrics and give 'em a swerve Now they either make no sense or make you sound like pervs And Liam, why you swiping cameras and phones? What you need a girl's number cause you're crusin alone? And another thing, it's a frickin spoon for God's sake What did this thing impale your puppy with a giant frickin stake? And so One Direction, we now all think That in about a year, y'all are gonna go N*SYNC and disappear cause N*SYNC isn't around any...aw you know!

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What happened when the white man saw a black man running with a purse? He called the police. The police proceeded to chase the black man down tackling him into a dumpster, causing permanent spinal damage. Upon investigation into the situation, the black man was deaf and he was bringing the purse, which contained an epi-pen, to his dying wife a block away. The police officers involved were fired and sued by the family, ruining their lives. Months later they both committed suicide.

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Why did the chicken run across the road? It was 9/11

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Who took the last can of soda? I dunno.

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So a baby seal walks into a club...

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osama is obame quincadence or aluminatti????

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Q: What's small and can't read? A: A candybar

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What's worse than a bee sting? Getting shot in the head

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A man walks into a bar and says "hey, it's me!". Turns out that wasn't him.

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A blonde walks into a bar. She is rushed to the hospital and treated for a broken nose and a busted lip. She now has a deformed nose.

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Q. Why does Samuel Jackson always play a black guy? A. Because he's black.

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Me-Whats long and hard and full of seaman Him-a submarine Me-No dumb ass a dick

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How did the magician make his assistant disappear? He killed her and then cremated her body

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How do you fit 4 homosexuals onto a barstool? You make the barstool wider allowing for all the men to sit more comfortably on top of the stool.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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