What's the difference between a vegetable and my son? Nothing

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how do you get a blonde out of a tree? you politely ask her, then if all else fails call the local fire department

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Priority parking for hybrid cars

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A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god." Upon resuscitation the man contemplates his hallucination and becomes an Atheist.

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How many chairs does it take to screw a lightbulb? One, if you have enough lube.

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Chuck Norris can count from 1 to 100... twice!

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Why was the squirrel late for work? Because the traffic was nuts!

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I can't wait to eat this bagel! Yes you can. Yeah, I guess you're right.

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What did the blind orphan get for christmas? Cancer

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what did the dog say? dogs can't talk therefore he said nothing

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how many black people are... wait stereotypical jokes are for fags

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Mrs. Welsh

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Why is there a dead pakistani on my couch? Because someone put him there.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.

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A black guy walks into a bar. He falls unconscious and an ambulance is quickly called to bring him to the hospital.

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A man goes to an amusement park. He heads straight for the roller-coaster and gets in line. When he gets to the front, the ride operator informs him that he is too short to ride. "You must be at least 48 inches, sir, you just barely miss the mark, I'm sorry, I can't let you ride." The man is sad, but he doesn't let this little discrepancy ruin his day. He then gets in line for a different ride.

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Why can't Chuck Norris divide by zero Because it's impossible

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What do you call a white woman that had sex with a black guy? A rape victim.

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Why did the kid fall off the swing? He had no legs.

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Robocop and T-800 argue over who can run the fastest, Robocop claims he is the fastest, while T-800 says that he is the fastest. To settle things once and for all, they start a race. At first T-800 seems to be leading Then the T-800 is leading by a great distance. moments later the T-800 has a huge lead. But then suddenly, without any warning, the race shifts! T-800 is now leading only by a great distance! Yet in a amazing, and completely unexpected plot-twist. T-800 wins! Moral: :O

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Moral"We all miss someone sometimes during our life, but just remain patient as you aim again, reload and hit that someone!"

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What do you call a man man with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean? Bob(he is bobbing in the water)

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What's good? Anything that is not bad.

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What did the tree say to the other tree?....nothing cause trees can't talk!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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