there are some things i dont get. Quantum Physics is one of them.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What happened when a man drove up to an escort and said "want to check my bags?" The escort replied "Certainly, sir" due to the fact the escort worked at a hotel.

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Somewhere over the rainbow.... Is land.

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yo mamas so old she probably ralises the greater risk of breast cancer in middle age women.

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Where do 4 Mexicans in a car go? In the Car Pool lane.

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A short Irish man and a tall German man went skydiving. Both parachutes coincidentally failed to deploy and they died.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender does not ask about its facial characteristics, because he is wondering why there is a horse standing in his bar.

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What is brown and sticky. Hot chocolate.

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Why did the zuccini fly? I was in an acid trip.

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What do you call 5 of my friends and 5 of your friends hanging out together? I don't know. I don't have any friends.

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Knock Knock Go Away

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Q: why was the movie called the last house on the left? A: because they went to the last house that was on the left.

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A blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead walk into a bar. They all buy a drink and talk about their days.

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What did the deaf, dumb, blind, black kid get for Christmas? Modern Warfare 3.

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What do blacks and the night have in common? Their both worse than when it's light

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Whats Yellow and has arms. A lemon i lied about the arms.

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? A: Bob.

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Your mother is a very respectable woman.

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your mamas so fat her weight is 3.14 without the decimal

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Why did the little boy have a gun pointed at his head? Because he hated his life and wanted to kill himself.

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Q: Why don't people like me? A: Because I smell bad and I give off a creepy vibe

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If you're happy and you know it go to hell.

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Where did Suzy go during the bombing? Everywhere

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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