A man came home one day, drunk and feeling horny. He proceeded to the bedroom where he found his wife just getting into bed in a lace bra and sexy underwear. This turned him on even more so he cuddled up to her and whispered seductivly in her ear before kissing her neck. His wife was not in the mood for sex so she shot him

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Set an alarm for a reasonable hour.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have Alzheimer's, Who are you?

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Whats worse than runing over a box of kittens? Runing over two boxes of kittens.

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Why did the little kid color outside the lines? He had Parkinson's Disease.

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whats black and white? a zebra

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Knock Knock ... guess nobody's home.

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There's a car about to hit me.

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If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed.

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What did the farmer say to the cow on the roof? Get off the roof.

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If your uncle jack helped you off your horse, would you help your uncle jack off a horse? Yes

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What do you say if you see your TV floating in the middle of the night? Wow, I need to lighten up on the acid.

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Pull my finger. Not right now. I'm watching The Price is Right.

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I'M THE GRAPIST!! I'M GONNA GRAPE UR MOM AND UR DAD AND UR WHOLE FAMILY!!!

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I nicknamed my diick "the truth" because the biitches can't handle it

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What do you call a bus filled with White, Chinese, and Black people? Public transportation.

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What is translucent and smells like a carrot ? A translucent carrot.

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What does the young boy say to the gay man Hello Jacob, because he was raised to respect and treat gays equally

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whats worse then getting fired from your job? Getting raped by a giant gorilla with a 4 foot long penis following by being bitten by a very poisonous rattle snake and slowly dying a painful death.

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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A buissnes man walks into a meeting and says hello i'm a buissnesman

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Why was six afraid of seven? Seven was an identity thief.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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