What did the dog say to the mouse? Cat

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse does not respond because it is a horse thus lacking cognitive capacity to speak nor understand English. It is confused by its surroundings and promptly shits on the floor then gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I can't remember if I have Azheimer's or not.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Marrage s like a card game. You start off with 2 hearts and 1 diamond. You end up wishing for a club and a spade!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

a man walks into a prostitute.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Doctor: "I'm sorry, but your son has Hepatitis B. Asian Parent: "Why he has Hepatitis B? Why he not get the Hepatitis A plus?"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How do you get to pigs in a pen? Move them.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's black and white and red all over? A mime lying in a pool of blood.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Captain Falcon is eating a restaurant. After he sits down at his table, a waiter comes by to take his drink order. Not wanting to skew his blood alcohol level for his next race, he asks for a non-alcoholic drink. The waiter says, "We only have water and punch. Which would you like?" Captain Falcon replies, "Water, please."

thumb_up thumb_down +3

My sister had a lemonade stand once. And one time, she spilled.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why couldn't the Black man become a surgeon? He was Blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? Here come the elephants.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How do you get 1000 pokemon on to a bus? Pikachu!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

3 black guys are in the back of a car. Who is driving? A taxi driver

thumb_up thumb_down +3

how do you get a black guy out of a tree? ask himnicely and if he doesn't promptly call the fire department

thumb_up thumb_down +3

♪ It's raining. It's pouring. ♪ The old man caught pneumonia and died....

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Doctor, I am afraid of doctors, I dont even dare seek them up. Janitor: Thats quite apparent... Dr.Moral:

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: What's worse than finding 1 worm in your apple? A: Finding 2 worms in your apple Q: What's worse than finding 2 worms in your apple? A: The Holocaust Q: What's worse than the Holocaust? A: Finding 3 worms in your apple!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the Farmer say when he lost his tractor? "Wheres my tractor?"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb? None. They use candles

thumb_up thumb_down +3

a duck walks into a bar. he sits by another duck and says duck 1: Quack!! duck 2: I was just about to say that! duck 1: No way! duck 2: Seriously! duck 1: We are so a-like. duck 2: totally!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Roses are Grey Violets are Grey I'm Color Blind F*CK

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck had AIDS?

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops