What did John the accountant do when he saw a flying dog, He woke up from a wonderful dream and started his day

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What do men and women have in common? They're both respected members of society, besides women.

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Did you hear about the Polish Helicopter crash? The pilot and three passengers died.

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What happened when the man rubbed the magical lamp? Nothing.

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Not an anti-joke, but an anti-pick-up-line: How much does a polar bear weight? Not as much as you!

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3 men were involved in a terrible plane crash. The first man got up, and all he could see was blue. Blue houses, blue cars, blue people. He walked into a house and asked if he could stay there, the kind people complied and let him stay there for the night. When he woke up he could still only see blue. He went down stairs and ate fruit loops, then left in his blue world. The second man got up and all he could see was red. Red houses, red cars, red people. He walked into a house and asked if he could stay there, the kind people complied and let him stay there for the night. When he woke up he could still only see red. He went down stairs and ate cherrieos, then left in his red world. The last man got up, and all he could see was yellow, yellow cars, yellow houses, and yellow poeple. Yet again he walked to a house, and the kind people let him stay the night. Once he woke up, he only could see yellow still. He went down stairs and ate fruit loops and left into his yellow world. So this proves that 2 out of 3 men prefer fruit loops over cherrieos.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was crudely stapled to another chicken who insisted on doing so.

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What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.

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The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!" Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS." "Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient. "You've also got Alzheimer's Disease." Looking relieved the patient says, "Oh...Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS."

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What's brown and sticky? Poo.

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Why did the girl put on make-up and perfume? Because she was ugly and smelled bad.

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Paul and Steve, Siamese twins attached at the head, come to a fork in the road they are traveling. Paul wants to go left, while Steve wants to go right. They pause for a moment to figure out which direction would be the best choice for the both of them. They decide to go Paul's way, and as they continue to travel in silence, they try to imagine what life as a self-reliant individual would be like.

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names

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What drink is dark yellow and freshly squeezed from one of the most healthy snacks? Piss.

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Why did John go outside? His house was on fire.

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What do you call a black guy driving a bus? A bus driver

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roses are violets red is blue i like doughnuts doughnuts are good

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Why did the Chinese man have a cat in his oven? Because his wife had decided to divorce him that day so he threw he in the oven, and the cat happened to be in her arms at the time.

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What do you call a dead baby lying in the road? A Tragedy

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, You were adopted and I couldn't think of a good way to tell you...

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 has two penises

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Why did Helen Keller's cat kill itself? It didn't, I did.

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Why can't men give birth? Because men do not not have the reproductive organs required to give life to a new born child.

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What did the Pope say to the little boy? Look both ways before crossing the street

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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