Whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew? One is a tasty Italian food the other is a respected member of society

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Wanna hear an anti-joke?

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You know I can, and I already have, as once the mind knows its getting certain medications, it spends the energy required in order to achieve the effect, this is what psychiatrists and those assholes would call "psychological effect". With that said, I am still tired, and the stimulants are waking up my ouchies too, so I think ill get some sleep and dont worry, I can sleep with any stimulants as long as I can use my mind. By the way, my "hypnosis senses" are not hypnosis by themselves, but in order to hypnotize oneself and other, one must learn to read body language and stuff like that, something which I now do subconciously because I am experienced. Alice is calm again, her hands are shaking but she is cold, I am pretty sure she is far more tired than I am, so I kinda ordered her to go home, this guy can type for me. Just want you to know that I am doing fine now, and that the PTSD is much less severe than before as my brain no longer remembers the voice and looks my parents had back then, so I just feel my nose getting punched and breaking, its... Surprisingly annoying, so ill get some sleep, if nothing else it will help Alice get better, and I wont lie, I need it.

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What does 2 + 2 equal? 4

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Your mums a penis joke.

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What did the mother get at the grocery store? Food.

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Bob dole

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Black People.

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Today is my birthday.... Goodbye cruel world

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They see me rollin' Up my sleeve for some volunteer work at the local shelter

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What's the difference between a model and a baby? I didn't have sex with a model last night.

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Why did the football coach go to the bank? To make a deposit.

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Struggling with self esteem? Wish you were more attractive? Well stop wishing you fugly cum dumpster.

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Why didn't the black guy where a seat belt? I don't know but he should've because hes dead.

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Why didn't peyton manning's grand mom call him after his game? She died of throat cancer 5 years ago

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What do you call a dog eating a dead dog? A hungry dog

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What's funnier than a dead baby? Everything.

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captcha: all yer base

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Yo mamma is so weird most people try to avoid her.

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roses aren't red, violets aren't blue, they're all black, cause i'm colorblind. what about you?

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What's worse then finding a finger in your Chili? Getting Mollested by a Pterodactyl.

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What do you get when you cross sodium citrate, citric acid, benzyl alcohol, monoethanolamine, sodium benzoate, gylcol disterate, FD&C Yellow #5, ammonium lauryl sulfate, methylisothiazolinone, fragrances/perfumes, FD&C Blue #1, sodium chloride, zinc pyrithione, methylchloroisothiazolinone, ammonium xylenesulfonate, ammonium laureth sulfate, cetyl alcohol, cocamide, guar hydropropyltrimonium chloride, 1-Decene, homopolymer, hydrogenated, trimethylolpropane tricaprylate and water? Head & Shoulders Dandruff Shampoo for Fine-Oily Hair

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Why did the man go bald? He had cancer

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Patient: Doctor Doctor! Doctor: Yes. Patient: I think I'm a moth! Doctor: You don't need a doctor, you need Mental help. Patient: Yes I know. Doctor: Then why are you here? Patient: The light was on.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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