Dad: "Happy birthday, son! Let's go get a beer." Timmy: "But dad, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are, we hope that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.” Timmy's mom had just died of cancer a few days ago. A friend walks in the door, not knowing Timmy's mom died just a few short days before his birthday. He screams, "Happy birthday!" TImmy: "Damn. I'm not going through this again."

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What do you call a Mexican on a boat? A sailor

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Knock Knock! Who's there? I am.

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Why was the child lying in the scrap yard? because he was being torn apart by guard dogs.

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knock knock Who's there? because 7 ate 9

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What's the difference between basketball and an elephant? One's a sport and one's a large African animal.

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Yo momma's so poor, that when she went to the soup kitchen, she got food.

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Why has Bugs Bunny got big ears? Because he's a rabbit

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Roses are red, Sometimes they're white. Or pink. Or yellow. There are roses of many colors.

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Why was Sally crying She got a high five In the face With a chair

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A guy trips a blind man.

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What has two wheels and a handle bar? A bike.

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Did you hear about the guy who fell out of the stands at the ranger game? He died.

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Why did the chicken cross the road Time for you to get a watch

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? At age two, she contracted an illness that left her blind, deaf, unable to speak, and was considered backwards of intelligence. She lived in a dark and hopeless world of her own, rendering her unable to do anything, let alone drive.

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What do you get if you cross a banana, a mango, and an apple? A smoothie

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Where is the last place you would find a Mexican? In a good hiding spot that you didn't think of while trying to find him.

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Q. If the early bird gets the worm, what does the early worm get? A. Eaten...

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Why did the man die? Because he was unpopular and someone killed him with a gun. He is now dead. RIP.

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A Muslim, a Jew, and a Christian find a magical lamp with a genie inside. He offers each of them one wish. The Muslim wishes that people didn't look at his people as terrorists. The Jew wishes that the Holocaust never happened, and the Christian wishes for world peace. Actually this didn't happen, Genies don't exist.

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Why do black people sit so far back in their seats? Because they're used to sitting in the back of the bus

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Why did John fall down the stairs? Because John is a paraplegic and is incapable of going to down stairs without aid.

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My girlfriend once told me " Life is like a penis, it's hard."

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theres a mexican women and a black man in a car....whos driving? nobody sadly the driver was shot.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops