- Anti Joke

Why did the chicken cross the road? His wife and children had just been struck by a moving vehicle traveling at approximately 45 miles per hour trying to cross the same road. He ran across the road to comfort his dying wife and two children as they took their final breaths. The chicken was also not really a chicken but a middle-aged man who had recently been laid off his job and diagnosed wiuth an incureable disease.

Why didnt the black man run the marathon? He was in jail

Q: How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Well considering the weight of a fly is 1.2 grams, and the weight of a light bulb is 50 grams (and this is assuming that the fly can lift its own body weight) it would take 41.6 flies. But also considering the fact, that the .6th of a fly is impossible, because it is more than likely to be deceased, it is impossible for flies to screw in a light bulb.

What's black and white and red all over? Two nuns in a chainsaw fight.

what do you get when you cross do you get when you cross a banana and a monkey? one happy monkey

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse does not respond because it is a horse, thus lacking cognitive capacity to speak nor understand English. It is confused by its surroundings and promptly defecates on the floor then gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few chairs and tables.

Blarg, with ritalin everything tastes like cardboard, but on the bright side I can taste, lucky me I am so handsome the ones that attacked us did not want to ruin "my pretty face", so I just got a few cuts before I broke his, they never see a steel fist arriving you know... Listen, you are wrong, you gotta think less about me, and much more about yourself, you feel like you should worry more about me emotionally, but worry about your feelings more despite that because I can more or less hear your body saying "please take care of me", I mean I can more or less hear the urges and needs of women, thats why I am so good around them, I dont put them in a trance "vampire style" i just make them feel safe around me because it is safe around me, I am safe at all times because I am who I am. Listen, worry about your needs, turn of all mental alarms, I can sense (I dont know how, Richard Bandler put that into me) that you are in lack of sleep, food and sleep (I can sense it now, you havent slept well since you thought I was dead, it makes logical sense, it always does, its not magic, its the human potential unleashed) So take care of yourself, turn of your body`s needs one by one, shower, eat, drink (eat something good), and if you are at the couch, go get a pillow and lie down, this is about you, because I cant feel well if those I love and care about dont feel well okay? Please allow me to sleep easily and try getting some sleep yourself even if my guys are 15 minutes away. Let me know that you feel better.

Q - What is worse than a nerdy joke on anti-jokes with a lot of big words in it? A - Although I get scared when i see big words, the page long jokes are probably worse

Yo mama is so fat that she has to eat low calorie foods because she wants to lose weight.

What's worse than a bee sting? Getting shot in the head

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops

Why did the girl scream? Someone shot her mom

Obama: And then I said there would be a change. (hahahahahaha)

Why did the girl fall off her bike? Someone threw a piano at her.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Cos it wanted to.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house! Nock. Nock. Whos there? The Chicken?

roses are red violets are blue my cat died and i have alsheimers who are you

why did the frog cross the road it was stapled to a chicken

Hey i just met you and this is crazy, but heres my penis, so suck it baby.

How do you get 1000 pokemon on to a bus? Pikachu!

Why did the guy fly? Because he steped on a landmine

Today is May 18 2016.

- What's the difference between a squirrel? - It can neither fly.

Why didnt the black man run the marathon? He was in jail

What's black and white and red all over? Two nuns in a chainsaw fight.

what do you get when you cross do you get when you cross a banana and a monkey? one happy monkey

Knock Knock. Who's there? Bob

Breast cancer.

Q - What is worse than a nerdy joke on anti-jokes with a lot of big words in it? A - Although I get scared when i see big words, the page long jokes are probably worse

Yo mama is so fat that she has to eat low calorie foods because she wants to lose weight.

What's worse than a bee sting? Getting shot in the head

Anti Joke

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book

MOAR??