How do you get 2000 people to go to heaven? Blow up a school.

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"I like my women like I like my spare tires, in the trunk of my car." -Paul Alangadan

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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Why did the man tell the other man to shut up? The other man said something that made the man who said shut up mad so he told the man to shut up.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? The answer is not definitive and involves several factors including the size of the woodchuck, the woodchuck's teeth, the climate in which that woodchuck lives, and the tenacity of that particular woodchuck at achieving his goal.

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I had sex with my mother in law

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A visibly exhausted and distressed man walks into a bar and orders a strong drink. "Long day?" the bartender asks. Since the man understands the meanings of most common phrases he responds in the correct and expected manner.

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Knock knock! Who's there? Boo! Boo who? Aww, don't cry!

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Q: What do you call a man from south korea? A: I don't know, but I'm not letting him drive my car.

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What happens when you shoot a bear and you kill it? It dies.

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Strawberries!

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How did the chicken cross the road? Suicide. There was a graveyard across the street. RIP Mr. Chicken.

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Why did the Asian eat rice? Because its food

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An Englishman, and Irishman, and a Scottsman walk into a bar and the bartender says, "Is this some kind of a joke?"

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a man walks into a bar, he is injured severely and needs medical attention stat, he is rushed to the hospital where he dies that evening

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A young girl walks out of a bar then gets raped.

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whats one word that gets everyones attention? rapist,bomb,and sex

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If you like this song so much why don't you marry it? Because a divorce would be tough on the kids

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Knock Knock Who's there? Knock Knock I said, who's there? KNOCK KNOCK OH MY GOD, WHO IS IT??? Yes, we have your daughter here, she was caught doing drugs on school property.

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Why wasn't my T.V. on? Because I didn't have a remote.

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What is worse than running away from a rapist? Getting raped by a rapist.

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Go online. why? To get a quote. why? To save money. Because we said so! Parenting can be hard. see how easy it is to save with GEICO.

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What is worse then dropping the soap? Not being able to pick it back up.

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what did the horse say to the bartender? why the short face?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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