Q: What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? A: Names

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Ed has spent all his days on the farm. It was the farm of his father and grandfather before him; long have they prospered from the fruits of this land. He has a wife and 3 beautiful children, all of whom live happily on the farm. Ed still manages to keep an active social life, and has lots of interesting friends. His best friend is Moe. As a young man, Ed had spent a few years living in the city for his studies. Moe lives in the city, and he knows Ed from College. One day, Moe came out to the farm to have lunch with his old friend. After lunch, he and Ed took a walk around the farm. They passed by the horses, the chickens, the pigs and finally they came to the cows. Ed looked at Moe, and he saw that he was focused intently on a single cow. "What's the matter, Moe?" he asked. "That," Moe said, "is one skinny cow."

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The knocking didn’t cease. It grew harder as the voice grew louder. “Let me in! Let me in! LET ME IN!” The knocking grew so fierce it could have shattered the door. Tears leaked from her eyes. “What do I do,” she thought “should I open the door?” The knocking was more than she could bear. “I know you’re in there, Kat.” it said. Her stomach twisted, her breath caught in her throat, and tears now streamed down her face. “Go away!” she shouted finally. “Let me in!” it screamed in response. “Leave me alone!” she cried. The voice and the knocking echoed in her head, making her more nauseous than before. Reaching for the lock hesitantly, she sucked up her tears and held her breath, unlocking the door and throwing it open. Nothing was there. The tree stood in the yard unmoving, no wind. Nothing. She shut the door, shaking in fear. With the click of the lock, the room grew cold. Goose-bumps covered her skin. “Thank you for letting me in.” a voice whispered behind her.

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A man walks into a bar. Dyslexia is not funny. -Tag

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What's neon green and has 69 legs? Nothing that I know of, but it would be an interesting creature

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What did the kid with no arms get for christmas? No one knows he hasn't been able to open his presents yet.

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What's the difference between peanut butter and jelly ? Among many things, one is made with peanut butter, the other with fruits.

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What's red and eats tulips? Your face!

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So in Jimmy's school if u are misbehaving u are asked to get out of the room. Jimmy was in science, and he was throwing paper a bunch. Then his science teacher says, "Jimmy, do u wanna go out?" Jimmy replies "No thanks, I'm 14 and i have a girlfriend." That's how Jimmy got detention.

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How do you get a blond to fall over? Shoot her with a shotgun.

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Whats worse than a little kid falling. Him getting vigorously raped by his father every night.

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What's red and smells like green paint? The rotting corpse of the old lady I poisoned with green paint.

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Why did the dog eat poop?

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What did one hipster say to the other hipster? I'm not a hipster.

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What's sad about an old black woman being hit by a Porsche? She was my third grade English teacher, and had a huge impact upon my life.

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- What is worse than a baby in a trash bin ? - A baby in five trash bins.

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What do you call a black man who flies a plane? A pilot, you racist.

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Is this the krusty krab? NO! THIS IS red lobster, how many i help you?

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Knock knock. who's there? Alex. GO AWAY!!!

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How do you lose your train of thought? You can't. It is impossible to fit a full size locomotive in the human skull.

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Knock, Knock Who's there? The IRS, you're being audited.

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What a gay guy get on his IQ test? 69

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When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

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a man walks into a bar he is promtly escorted out due to the fact that he wanted to kill the bars owner. The man got life in prison with no chance of parole. This mans name was Michael Myers.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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