What makes Stephen Hawking such a lame scientist??? A: he has a disabling disease. It's called ALS.

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Your mama is so fat that when she farted she called it global warming

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YA MAM, is a very nice person

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As friend of mine recently told me that he knew my deepest darkest secret. When I asked him what it was, he said that I was too emotionally unstable, and that I would never be ready to settle down. I killed him.

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Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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how do you make a orange juice. get orange juice and pour it in a cup.

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What happened to Johnny when he fell of his bike? He had a seizure, went into a coma, and forced his parents to take him off life support. Happy birthday Johnny.

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What is it called when a whole bunch of black people run down a hill? A race.

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if youre reading this its probably because youre on anti-joke.com

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a dick just for you

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You`re honor, he fell off the staircase, I demand that staircase ends up in jail! Case closed.

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whats fluffy and pink? -pink fluff whats blue and fluffy? -pink fluff holding its breath.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Why does Santa wear sleigh bells? Because he's got leprosy.

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Yd the chicken cross the road? To SAVE THE WORLD

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A horse dies and goes to heaven. He wonders why there aren't any atheists around.

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Pen15

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What's small and harmless, but deadly when thrown at high speeds? A baby.

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Hey i heard you where cool wait that was opposite day ;)

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How do you make a mimer to speak? Shot him in both knees and cut of he's ear

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Q: What did the dumb blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios? A: Look! Donut seeds!

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What did the unicorn say when he was kicked out of the grocery store? Nothing, dodo birds dont exist

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What did one cancer patient say to the other? Nothing, both of them were dead.

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Why do black people have dark skin? Lack of melanin in their skin. You learn something new every day.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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