What's small, cold, and lifeless? A dead baby.

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What is the difference between your mom and a cow? One is a 1,500 pound beast, and one is a human being.

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Tom has 24 cupcakes Tom then ate 24 cupcakes what does Tom have? Diabetes Tom got diabetes

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A duck quacks in a mountain range. No one on or nearby the mountains hears the duck because ducks' quacks don't echo.

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What happened to the dog who lost its legs? It Died.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations]) That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

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A Muslim walks into a bomb shop. Unfortunately for the bomb shop owner, the Muslim was a police officer. He proceeded to arrest the owner and the employees of the store, as it turned out that the selling of these particular explosive devices were illegal. They ended up in jail, and justice was served.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, This doesnt rhyme, Microwave.

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What's worse than the holocaust? Two holocausts What's worse than two holocausts? Twilight

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Why was the baby crying? Because you repeatly hit it in the face with a brick, you sick freak.

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why did Sally fall off of the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there?

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What did the fat man with scissors do? Cut off the foreskin of your penis.

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John Rustenburg at the dinner table

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Q: Why did Katie fall of the swing? A: Because she had no arms Knock knock Who's there Not Katie

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Lady Gaga didn't have anything to wear to the playboy party.

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How did Swiper steal Dora's stuff? He shot her and then took her backpack.

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what is a jews favorite holiday? the halocaust.

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What did one hipster say to the other hipster? I'm not a hipster.

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Why did the deer die Because Jupiter is incapable of supporting life

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how do you kill a blonde? hit her in the back repeatedly with a crowbar

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It was a warm summer day when justin beiber got hit by the bus everyone was cheering

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How did the blind man know when to open his parachute when he went skydiving? The leash went slack.

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Q. What does McDonald's and Michael Jackson have in common? A. They both stick their meat in 13 year old buns.

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What do you call a black person driving a plane? A pilot, because you dont want to call him anything racist i mean he is driving you up 25,000 ft in the air and the last thing you want is for him to get mad and decide to do something rational, God, you racists.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops