What do a platypus and Obama have in common? A brain, except for Obama.

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A little boy starts to be followed by a man in a large white van. They come across an intersection, the boy turns left, and the man turns right.

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I have a red ferrari and 20 dead babies in my garage. Didn't I have a blue ferrari?

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Knock, Knock Who's there? Milkman! Milkman who? ....Timmy....I've been coming here for FOURTEEN YEARS! AND YOU CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER MY NAME?!?! I drove your mom to the hospital when you were born since your father is such a deadbeat. I helped pick out your name!! I'm sorry I wasn't born into wealth like you. I'm sorry I have to go door to door handing out milk for other people! I have been coming here every week for FOURTEEN YEARS! But no Timmy, no, don't try to remember my name. Just forget about all the laughs we have had. Or that time i left my family on Christmas because your mother needed me to go find you that Turbo man doll. I saved you from a burning vehicle! I helped you win your third grade science fair! Remember? I have a picture of us and that robot right here in my wallet. I show it to people all the time! Here's me and my...my pal Timmy. Well Timmy, this is it. You shan't see me again.

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Why did the Asian Cross the road? Because the crossing signal went green!

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How do you fit 100 jews in a car? It wouldn't work.. Nevermind.

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Why didn't the woman cook dinner for her husband? She had to work late.

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How many fingers does Charlie Sheen have? 8. and 2 thumbs. just like most everybody else.

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Whats small, red and white, and would kill you if shot out of a cannon? A decapitated baby

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Yo momma's so poor, that when she went to the soup kitchen, she got food.

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What do you call a sandwich that has sandwich on it? A sandwich.

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Paul and Steve, Siamese twins attached at the head, come to a fork in the road they are traveling. Paul wants to go left, while Steve wants to go right. They pause for a moment to figure out which direction would be the best choice for the both of them. They decide to go Paul's way, and as they continue to travel in silence, they try to imagine what life as a self-reliant individual would be like.

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What has two wheels and a handle bar? A bike.

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Mike tyson

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He I just met you, and this is crazy, but you sister just died here's her baby.

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Statistically speaking, one out if every seven dwarves are unhappy

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What is funny about a child with down syndrome? Nothing.

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what did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede!

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Woman Rights

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Your mother is so fat, when she dives into a pool, the on duty life guard blows his whistle to get her attention. He then proceeds to tell her about the dangers of diving into a pool with the depth of 5ft or less and asks her not to continue her antics. She is not pleased but decides it is best to follow the rules.

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Where was Andy Beckett WHEN THE LIGHTS WENT OUT? In the dark

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A Muslim, a Jew, and a Christian find a magical lamp with a genie inside. He offers each of them one wish. The Muslim wishes that people didn't look at his people as terrorists. The Jew wishes that the Holocaust never happened, and the Christian wishes for world peace. Actually this didn't happen, Genies don't exist.

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A genie came out of a lamp explain?

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What's worse than a 15 year old getting hit by a car? Adam Johnson

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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