How many babies does it take to change a light bulb? No amount of them could ever figure it out. They all tremble with fear in the dark.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the guy fly? Because he steped on a landmine

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Whats Black and White and Red all over? A white boy who just got jumped, with sever bruises left lying in a pool of his own blood.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's a black guys favourite thing to eat? Food.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A cat walks into a bar and orders a bowl of milk. Well, okay, it doesn't actually order it. It more of meows in a begging fashion and the bartender, being a kind individual, gets the lost animal a bowl of milk. But who's to argue semantics?

thumb_up thumb_down +6

I what's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? I don't have 10 watermelons in my basement.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

This schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson. She scored poorly from her lack of practice and experience and was turned off from the sport.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's brown and sticky? Fecal matter.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A young boy walks into a bar and asks for directions or a map. The bartender takes him into a backroom and gives him a map he just happened to have. The boy continues on his way and the bartender is happy that he did a good deed.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the chicken cross the road? The screams were loud. It was just one big fire behind him. He and his fellow chickens had been trapped. They thought they were being freed... They thought wrong. The guards herded them in and then the heat started. The fires began to rage. His friends, his allies, his brothers, were falling dead, burning, beside him. He had to escape. He did not think, only acted. Lashing out at the guard, he knocked him down and ran. He ran and ran until he could run no more, and he still kept running. He could still hear his brothers' screams. He could still see their faces burning before his eyes. He reached the road, and finally stopped. He looked around. The screams had stopped. The heat had left his body. But then another sound came. Yelling. The guards. They were following him. He tried to keep running. But he just couldn't. He was finished. He fell on the road, sliding himself along as quickly as he could. He hadn't run this far to be caught by the guards. He stopped. He could go no further. He looked up and saw the blue sky, cloudless and free. The last thing he heard was a roaring engine. The guards never found his body.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why was the baby smoking? He was locked in a hot car.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder? An anachronistic hypothetical sporting event that would never happen.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the black guy get kicked out of school? Because he was poor academically.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Could switching to Geico really save you 15% or more on car insurance? Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

what did the little boy get for christmas? nothing, he was homeless

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A man walks into a bar, he begins drinking and returns home visably drunk. His family disowns him as he is a recovering alchoholic who was three months sober.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

your momma's so fat i almost didn't have sex with her.... almost.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: What did the Mexican kid get for Christmas? A: My bike.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What is more dangerous than heroine? T.J. Lane

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's pink fluff? Pink fluff. What's blue fluff? Pink fluff holding it's breath. What's red fluff? Angry pink fluff. Ask me if I'm a truck. Are you a tr-- No. What's green and has wheels? Grass. I was just lying about the wheels. What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm in your apple, 'cause the other half's in your mouth. What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? Angry pink fluff. What's worse than angry pink fluff? The holocaust. That's not funny. Stop laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why do Teenagers, mostly girls between the ages of 12-17 love Justin Bieber? Because he promotes himself worldwide and makes sure that girls know who he is thus creating a fan base that will be large enough to promote his career, which ensures him a safe financial future.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How do you know a thief has been using your computer? It's missing.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

woman's rights

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Bill: My vagina is itchy. Tom: You don't have a vagina. It was later found out that bill had a sex change and did have an itchy vagina, due to an STI. He later died of cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops