a man walks into a bar, only it was an alternate universe so there were dogs running the bar. the bartender dog called human control because it was unsanitary to have a human in a bar. the human was then escorted out by another dog and was taken to a hotel where he received no continental breakfast.

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Whats brown,looks like a.dike,and is a whore. Marcella

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Why is Six afraid of Seven? Because Seven is a horrible pedophile and has deeply seeded emotional problems

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A Jewish man died in a car crash. His family mourned his death throughout the next few years.

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Why'd the second squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was tied to the first one.

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hi will

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What's the difference between a wife and a chef? A chef has the choice to leave the kitchen.

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What did Abraham Lincoln say to his slaves? Nothing, Abraham Lincoln had no slaves.

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Q: Whats better than 10 baby's nailed to 1 tree. A: 1 baby nailed to 10 trees.

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What is black, white, and red all over? A person who has black, white, and red paint on his or her body.

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what's the difference between a jew and a pizza? Nazis did't burn the pizza

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Good question, probably because I cannot get enough focus to "put a spell" on anyone because of my allergy, I use "autocast" for the rest. "Put a spell" I have not heard that since I was 14, that's really oldschool, and kinda geeky, back then it was code talk... Which is also geeky unless it actually serves a good purpose. AAAND... I served my mandatory time in the army as a minesweeper, we got attacked by fucking allies because of a... Yeah, I killed, people on our same team, still bad people, they offed about everybody else until I showed up, long story short, yeah I offed four of them, but that's like ten years ago.. My turn, you really got a crush on me dont you?

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How to you confuse an Alzheimer's patient? Present her with a complicated nuclear physics problem.

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An Antihumorous Story Part One A rich man named Richard told his son James that he could have anything in the world for his thirteenth birthday. James only asked for one thing: a silver box containing 542 pink ping pong balls. So Richard gave him a metal box containing 542 pink ping pong balls. Five years later, Richard heard a strange noise coming from James' room. It was the sound of a machine whirring, then a high pitched scream. All of a sudden, James bursted out of his room and ran out of the house. Later, the boy could not recall the incident. It was completely erased from his memory. For his eighteenth birthday, James asked for a golden box containing 785 pink ping balls. So it was granted him. For the next ten years, Richard kept a careful eye on his son. Every night, James could be heard whispering madly, "It's almost ready," over and over. For his twenty-eighth birthday, James asked for a simple wooden box that had one million pink ping pong balls inside. "What do you need all those pink ping pong balls for?" Richard finally asked. James froze, fiddling with something in the pocket of his jacket. "Oh yes, that. They were necessary for--" Then he got hit by a bus.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbuluDBHpfQ

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Why wasn't the man hungry? Because he just ate a thousand almonds.

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how do you kill a blonde? shoot her in the face with a pistol

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Three bars walk into a Jew.

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What did the skeleton say to the vampire? Nothing because a skeleton wouldn't have a larynx.

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lol

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What did the chicken say to the dog? Well, since chickens can't talk, they both stood there in an awkward silence.

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Q: How do you get 1000 babies into a bucket? A: A blender. Q: How do you get them out? A: Tortilla chips.

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What's the difference between Michael Jackson and chess? Michael Jackson's dead.

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So a female ant walks into a bar... and someone steps on it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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