i got angry and i was like " i really want to kick someone" ,my friend was on the ground and shes like "you can kick me" ,and i'm like "REALLY" ,then i kicked her really hard and she cried...

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How do you get a blonde to break a nail? Smash her finger with a wrench.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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There was this guy who walked in the bar with one shoe. The bartender asks what happened. The man said the shoe didn't fit. So the bartender ask where is the other shoe. The man said he threw it away. The bartender looks in the trashcan and sure enough he sees his other shoe. The bartender says "This is the same size as your other shoe. Why are you wearing one shoe?" The man says "I'm just playing a prank on you. There's a hidden camera over there and over there. Is it okay if I can put you on YouTube?" and the bartender says "No."

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What's black and white and red allover and can't fit through the door? A nun with a spear through her neck

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What's spongy and smells of treacle? Treacle sponge

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whats the difference between 100 dead babies and a ferrari? the ferrari is not in my garage.

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Why didn't the family go through the door? Because it was a window.

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Whats white and looks like a bunny? a rabbit

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roses are red violets are blue dinosaurs are extinct obama is black

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how many large people can you fit in a bath tub ... 1/16

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What do you call it when someone walks on another person's head? It depends. Face up, fetish. Face down, hate crime.

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8

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Whats worse than blue balls? Green Balls.

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what happened to the man with no arms or legs when he was pushed down a hill? nobody knows he is still going ........................................................................

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Women's sports

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how much is a microwave full of dead babies? a fridge full of dead puppies.

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Paul and Steve, Siamese twins attached at the head, come to a fork in the road they are traveling. Paul wants to go left, while Steve wants to go right. They pause for a moment to figure out which direction would be the best choice for the both of them. They decide to go Paul's way, and as they continue to travel in silence, they try to imagine what life as a self-reliant individual would be like.

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what are the three types of rings? -wedding ring -engagement ring -suffering

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What do you get when you mix Catholicism and Islam? War

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this is an anti joke THIS IS NOT A JOKE O:

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did you hear about the man who crossed the road? he made it.

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Which side of a chicken has more feathers? The outside.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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