A man walks into a bar and walks up to the counter. The bartender looks the man up and down and asks "Can I help you?" "Ya, get this guy off my ass" the duck promptly replies.

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ring ring young man: dad? mom's dead? woman: i think you dialed the wrong number young man: .......oh im sorry, you're absolutely right, silly me! woman: don't worry about it. young man: (chuckles) click

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1912, the titanic sinks, 1913 ww1 starts, 1939, ww2 starts, 1954, the vietnam war starts, 90's, cold war. wow! the 20th century sucked.

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a duck walks into a bar. he sits by another duck and says duck 1: Quack!! duck 2: I was just about to say that! duck 1: No way! duck 2: Seriously! duck 1: We are so a-like. duck 2: totally!

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How do you lose your train of thought? You can't. It is impossible to fit a full size locomotive in the human skull.

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why the woman scream when she arrived at her surprise party? Everyone was dead!

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what did the homeless guy get for christmas nothing!

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What Batman Said to Robin before getting into the car? I'll drive.

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Why is the women in the street selling her body for money? because she has 3 kids and a father with cancer.

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A man walks into a bar and the barenter says, "What'll it be?" The man says, "I'll take a Bud Light."

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what does the homeless man do when he gets home? nothing, he's homeless

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What is worse than the holocaust? 2 holocausts

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why was the girl sleeping on the ground? because she was dead

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THEY SAY SEEING IS BELIEVING. I NEVER SAW 9/11! 9/11? NEVER HAPPENED -Jonathan

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what do you call a black man on tv? an actor

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What did one guy say to another? Womens rights..........

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What did Anne Frank get for christmas? Nothing Anne Frank is jewish.

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A german police officer sees a Rabbi. Nothing happens, it's 2011

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what do you call a group of people who are systematiclly ruining a once well run family football club? steve kean , the venkys, and there advisors

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Q: What do you call a dog after the dentist? A: A dog.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? It was moldy and it was a home of many roaches.

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Why did the fat lady poop on my knee? Because i'm thirsty.

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Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? The two ships suffered major damageand sank, killing over 100 people. The families of the passengers mourned their loss.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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