Do you want to hear a joke? No. Women's- oh, okay.

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There are two muffins in an oven. The first muffin says, "Is it just me, or is it getting hot in here?". The second one says, "Hey, look! A talkin' muffin!".

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What did one baby say to the other? Nothing, they're both dead.

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why is santa so jolly? hes not hes a fictional character made up by our parents imagination

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An Irishman and an Englishman are in a bar. Suddenly a wild Dragonite attacks. The Englishman promptly catches the pokemon and continues to enjoy his drink with his Irish friend.

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yo momma so fat i abuse my wife

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Want to hear the best joke? Your life :,( i think i hate you?

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how do you make a blonde snowman? hollow out the head.

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What's the best Medieval job? A Jester because you get to play with balls all day.

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They decide to exchange heads. Barbie squeezes the small opening under her chin over Ken's bulging neck socket. His wide jaw line jostles atop his girlfriend's body, loosely, like one of those novelty dogs destined to gaze from the back windows of cars. The two dolls chase each other around the orange Country Camper unsure what they'll do when they're within touching distance. Ken wants to feel Barbie's toes between his lips, take off one of her legs and force his whole arm inside her. With only the vaguest suggestion of genitals, all the alluring qualities they possess as fashion dolls, up until now, have done neither of them much good. But suddenly Barbie is excited looking at her own body under the weight of Ken's face. He is part circus freak, part thwarted hermaphrodite. And she is imagining she is somebody else—maybe somebody middle class and ordinary, maybe another teenage model being caught in a scandal. The night had begun with Barbie getting angry at finding Ken's blow up doll, folded and stuffed under the couch. He was defensive and ashamed, especially about not having the breath to inflate her. But after a round of pretend-tears, Barbie and Ken vowed to try to make their relationship work. With their good memories as sustaining as good food, they listened to late-night radio talk shows, one featuring Doctor Ruth. When all else fails, just hold each other, the small sex therapist crooned. Barbie and Ken, on cue, groped in the dark, their interchangeable skin glowing, the color of Band-Aids. Then, they let themselves go— Soon Barbie was begging Ken to try on her spandex miniskirt. She showed him how to pivot as though he was on a runway. Ken begged to tie Barbie onto his yellow surfboard and spin her on the kitchen table until she grew dizzy. Anything, anything, they both said to the other's requests, their mirrored desires bubbling from the most unlikely places.

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Why did Helen Keller cross the road? To end her misery.

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If you stretch all your skin out in a line, you will die of blood loss or possible infection

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what has the same importance as mothers day? fathers day

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Why did the black guy jump over the fence ? The holocost.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm a paranoid schizophrenic and so am i

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Why was it true for sure? It was on wikipedia.

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whats red and bad for your teeth... A brick.

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What's worse than a crying baby? A dead one...

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Whats worse than a dead baby in a puddle of blood? A dead baby in soup.

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Why did the wife leave her husband? Because they were having sexual differences and time restraints. The husband worked nightshifts as a nurse while the woman stayed home and took care of their child. The husband confessed he never wanted a child in the first place, and that having sexual intercourse with her didn't truly satisfy him.

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Why can't Helen Keller Drive? Because she's a women. Why can't Stephen Hawking speak freely with his voice? Because he's autistic.

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a gay guy walks into a bar what does he do? buys a drink after a hard day at work

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Knock knock. Who's there? Jahova's witnesses.

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What do you call Chuck Norris when there is a bullet inside of him? Dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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