Why did the man get a haircut? Because he had long hair.

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I just met you! And this is crazy! I just took bath salts, and yor face looks tasty!

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What do you call a black guy flying an airplane? A pilot, you f***ing racist.

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what did the smoker say to the doctor? nothing she died of lung cancer.

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a 5 year old rapes a pedophile

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Your mom is so cheap, that she eats her cereal with a fork to save milk

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Michael Brown

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A man walks into a bar. He backs up, unwraps it, and enjoys its chocolatey deliciousness.

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What did the Mexican say when a house fell on him? Nothing. He's dead.

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Two nuns walk into a bar. There is a monkey between them, that they are both holding hands with. The bartender looks to them, and says "Hello sisters, I am sorry, but we do not allow wild animals into the bar. He's gonna have to wait outside," to which one of the nuns responds, "Oh, do not worry, this is no monkey, this is one of our sisters." The bartender is very confused. He chuckles, and says "Alright, well then your sister is going to have to wait outside." The sisters look at each other confusedly, but take the monkey outside, put it on a leash, and tie it to a pole. They proceed back inside, have a few drinks, and leave. The next night, the bar is a little more crowded. The bartender looks up and sees the two nuns entering. He checks to make sure there is no monkey with them, and there is not, so he goes back to serving drinks. A few minutes later, the two nuns are at the front of the bar ready to order drinks. The bartender smiles at them, "No monkey this time?" he asks. "Not tonight," says one of the nuns. "Alright," says the bartender, "what can I get you?" "I'll take a double bourbon," says one of the nuns. "I'll have a gin and tonic, and she'll have the same" says the other nun, motioning to a rhinoceros on her left. "What the fuck!!" yells the bartender. "How did you get this inside?! Where did you even get a rhinoceros?" He realizes these questions are unimportant, and runs to call animal control. By the time he turns around, however, the rhinoceros is gone. He goes to talk to the bouncer. "Dude, why do you keep letting in wild animals?" asks the bartender. "The hell are you talking about?" asks the bouncer. "Last night, two nuns walked in with a monkey, and tonight they somehow got a rhino past you. You didn't see that??" the bartender snaps. "Three nuns came in last night, and three came in tonight. No monkey, no rhino," the bouncer tells him. Meanwhile, as they walked home to the convent, one of the nuns says "Man, I haven't been drunk in weeks." One of the other nuns turns to her and says, "Well, maybe you should stop turning into an animal every time we get into a bar."

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Whats the difference between a raisin and a old lady? One is alive, i think.

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Knock knock. Who's there. Alex. Alex who? Your brother Alex. Oh, please come in.

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SOPA gets passed and shuts down anti-joke because KFC claims the picture of the anti-joke chicken

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Jim: "Hey guess what" Bill: "What" Jim: "George Bush got reelected" *Bill proceeds to throw himself into the Atlantic Ocean.*

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How do you kill a 6'5 black man in a dark alley? Stab him 3 times in the appendix with a 12 inch blade.

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Why do you go to a black mans yardsale? To buy something cheap. Why don't you hit a black guy on a bike? Because it is illegal.

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Q: I have 2 dogs. Why? A: I like dogs

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, This poem's cool. I ran over your dog.

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knock knock zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz knock knock zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz knock kock ding dong ding di-ding dong zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz sigh weeeeeeeeeewooooooooooooooooo zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz hey yo wake up zzz-oh-huh-what-whos there i've been yelling for like five minutes oh sorry jim will you let me in already all right

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How do you get four gay guys on a bar stool? With teamwork and coordination, each could place one foot on the seat, and they can all stand up using each other for balance and support. The fact that they are gay in unimportant.

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PFF! I hate that shit XD not saying that claymation cant be art, but that Plonsters or whatever is just something I dragged out of my head.

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Roses are dead Violets are dead Im a bad gardener

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Nock Nock It's open.

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What's the difference between an ostridge? It can neither fly.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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