What is long and black? Some umbrellas.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is blind and deaf, and to put her behind the wheel of a motorized vehicle would be extremely dangerous.

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What do you call a man who eats a swordfish at 11 o'clock? Dead by midnight.

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Why is six afraid of seven? Six isn't actually afraid of seven. It is true that seven devoured nine's carcass, but one has to understand that cannibalism is not a taboo in their culture. It is ignorant and offensive to judge the world of cardinal numbers, where protein is precious and leaving corpses to rot is dangerously unsanitary, by the standards of human societies.

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A visibly exhausted and distressed man walks into a bar and orders a strong drink. "Long day?" the bartender asks. Since the man understands the meanings of most common phrases he responds in the correct and expected manner.

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There was a man sinking in quick sand. He looked in the sky and said, "God, if you spare my life, I'll be a great person and believe in you all my life." He died.

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why was little bobby sad? he accidentally super-glued Jupiter to his forehead.

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What did the Batman say to the Joker? "I am the Batman."

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What's funny about the holocaust? Nothing. Whoever thinks the holocaust is funny is a dick.

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What's white and hides in a tree. A refrigerator.

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WNBA

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Spread the net.

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What did the chicken say to the dog? Well, since chickens can't talk, they both stood there in an awkward silence.

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why did the bird fall out of the tree? Earth's Gravitational pull

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I enjoy anal.

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Roses are blue violets are red I think I'm getting drunk get me to my van

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Land Rovers

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If you like this song so much why don't you marry it? Because a divorce would be tough on the kids

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What do you do if a blond throw a grenade at you? Take the pin out and throw it back

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roses are blue violets, are orange, i am color blind

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Justin Bieber having an erection.

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How do you confuse a blonde? Speak to her in a nonsensical language of gibberish you have devised without her being able to understand or translate.

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Q: What's small and can't read? A: A candybar

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A student goes up to the teacher because he has to go to the washroom. The teacher tells him that he has to sing the ABC's before he can go. So the boy sings, "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ." The teacher said he did a perfect job and could go to the washroom. The boy went on to become a billionaire. Congrats!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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