Why can't Helen Keller hear or talk straight? Because she's dead

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what did the blind deaf mute boy get for christmas? some nice presents.

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what's the difference between a car and a pile of dead babies? nothing, they're both overused anti jokes.

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Why are pirates called pirates? Because it derives from the Latin word, pirata.

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A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, He said 'No'. She asked him if he would want to be with her forever. He said 'no'. She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, Once again, he replied 'no'. She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said.. 'Asking emotionally charged hypothetical questions that are completely irrelevant to the prior conversation is known as fishing for compliments. Except, your tears seem to reflect a more serious inner emotional neediness. I suggest you seek a psychologist.'

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Why was the little girl blowing bubbles in the swimming pool? Because she was drowning

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Kenneth kaniff takes his hat off then he meets cosmic panda with kevin the zebra because chuck norris ate a chili pepper.

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Why w\s the English man, the French man, the German man, the Indian man, the Chinese man, the Irish man, the American man and the russian man all on a train together? They where going to the olympics.

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Do you like flowers NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOW GET ME A COKE! And a pizza

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Three men are walking down the street to buy groceries. They then take a left and continue walking towards the store.

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Three Jews walk into a bar. One says something to the other two, but it was in Yiddish, and I don't speak that, so I don't know what he said, but all of them laughed really hard, so it must have been funny.

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What do you call a mexican working at Taco Bell? An intelligent young man who recently graduated from high school, but due to his family's lack of money, he cannot pay for college, which is one of the reason's why he is working. He also needs money becuase he has a child on the way, due to his poor choice of not using protection while having intoxicated relations with his girlfriend. I wish him the best of luck!

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two penguins are sitting in a bath tub. one penguin says, "hey, can you hand me the soap?" the other penguin says, "what do i look like, a typewriter?"

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Ask me if I'm an orange. Are you an orange? No.

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Not sure, its just a really rare combination, people tell me stuff like "oh they are really bright brown" like hell they are, I mean sorry but the hell they are. I prefer it the way you say it, they are red, really really red, and you do not say it as if I had something to be ashamed off.

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My name is actually Nero by the way, or Neron, which means black, have you ever played Mortal Kombat? There is a character there Named Erron Black, which is a total pun on that, there is also a character named Boraicho which drinks constantly while Borracho means drunkard in Spanish so yeah, Erron Black is simply an anagram for Nero Black, or rather Neron Black... Anyway, now that we got your brain nice and confused, I can increase the effect with OVER NINE THOUSAND! So your pictures "remastered" on photoshop or something?

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2 people with ADD are playing baseball. One of them pitches to the other guy and the other guy swings his arms around, misses, then gets hit by a baseball bat. The batter then realized he was the pitcher and the other guy has gone off chasing after a bird that just flew by.

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What do you get when you put a cat in a Xerox machine? A copycat.

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96

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Why did the man not open his door to the trick or treaters? He was a sex offender and it was illegal for him to open it...

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How do you stop a clown from laughing? Drive an ax through its head.

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Q.If you are European in the bathroom, what are you in the kitchen? A. A woman.

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What do you call a man with no arms? A cripple.

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What do you call a loser on a game? A Dirty Hacker

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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