Whats worse than ants in your pants? Uncles.

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whats red and looks like a bucket? a red bucket whats blue and looks like a bucket? a red bucket in disguise

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A girl dropped her pencil while sitting next to her bf... She glanced at his phone while he was texting a message that said "I love you"... The girl jumped up and called him every name she could think of and left the room... The message was to his mother! She didn't listen and left him... He killed himself because she left him... She killed herself because he killed himself... Moral of the story: Don't drop you pencil!

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Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but an orange gourd. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

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A man walks into a bar and takes his seat. After a minute, someone shouts "133!" and this is followed by a couple of slight chuckles around the room. Later, "57!" is heard from the corner, followed by harsh laughter. After a while, someone shouts "66!" which is met by an uproar of uncontrollable laughter. The man, confused by the evening's events, asks the barmam what is going on. The barman explains, every joke has been told countless times so instead of reciting them, they are numbered and people call out the numbers. The man catches on to this, and therefore shouts "453!" which is followed by a deadly silence, because no one had heard that particular joke before, so 453 was just a number to them.

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A snake walks into a bar

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Roses are red Violets are blue One fish two fish Red fish blue fish

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why was little bobby sad? he accidentally super-glued Jupiter to his forehead.

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Why did the old man fall off a bicycle? He had a fridge thrown at him.

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Who has downs this joke

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There once was a girl named sally with no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sally.

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This one time at band camp... I played an instrument and learned to march with the rest of my school's band.

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Why must you never cross an elephant with a human being? It is impossible anyway.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The IRS. You didn't pay your taxes so we have to take you to jail.

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A duck walks into a bar and the bartender asks "What'll you have?" and the duck says "Quack". The bartender is then promptly fired and committed to the nearest mental institution for thinking that ducks can talk and order beer.

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Jim and Dave walk into a bar. The bartender says, "what'll it be?" Dave is black.

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Have you seen Ray Charles' house? No. Neither has he...

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Q: What did one dog say to the other dog? A: "Bitch!"

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I Used to be an Adventurer like you, Then I retired to achieve the top Anti-Joke.

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Knock Knock. Whose there? ..............

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eloise dey.

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Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.

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What is the difference between a bucket of shit and a Jew? The Bucket.

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Why did the man get fired? Because he had cancer

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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