- Anti Joke

What do you get when you put a cat in a Xerox machine? A copycat.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she didn't have arms. Knock. Knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

So a seal walks into a club..

how do you get to your favorite chinese restaurant? Wok.

Q: What did the student say to the teacher? A: The answer is four.

Did you hear about the deer? He had antlers. If antlers where a kind of disease, that would be a pun.

Why do guys like Halloween? Martin Luther posted the 95 theses in 1517 on this day.

Shotest joke ever... Your dick.

What's worse than falling on concrete? Being eaten by futuristic mutant trees in a volcano

A priest a rabbi and an iman are stuck in the desert. After walking for days without rescue or civilisation in sight, and rapidly running out of food and water, they decide to each pray to their respective gods for rescue, and in doing so solve the ultimate question of which religion is the true religion. They all die.

ROSES ARE RED WATCHES ARE GOLD GET ON YOUR KNEES AND DO WHAT YOUR TOLD

Why did the the chicken cross the road? Escape.

Little Jimmy has 100 candy bars, and he eats 95 of them. What dies little Jimmy have? Diabetes

Why didn't Helen Keller learn to drive as a teenager? They didn't have cars back then.

Three men are walking down the street to buy groceries. They then take a left and continue walking towards the store.

Silly Sally Dillydallied then lost her job to outsourcing.

Why couldn't the blonde screw in the light bulb?? - she happened to be autistic

Two guys are walking down the street. One asks the other "Nice weather today, huh?" And the other responds "It sure is," and they both continue on with their days.

How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb? One.

Justin Bieber walked into a gay-bar, The whole world applauded.

Whats the difference between ice cream and dead babies? I'm not eating ice cream right now.

Did I tell you about the day I put PaulMckenna on a hypnotic state so he believed he put me in a trance? That was fun, everybody applauded, then he got sad when it was not him they where applauding at, funny guy, a bit of an amateur, he spends hours "priming" people in a hypnotic state, and then in his videos triggers it so it makes it seem like he does it instantly, next to Igor Ledohowsky and Richard Bandler, I might just be one of the best and youngest hypnotists alive. Speaking of which, my wife knows the complicated yet strong feelings I got for you, and feels safe around me because of the same reasons you do, and the fact that I can spot a worry and a tear before people do, especially those I love and care about. Wait I am not done, I just need to eat before I space out.

Q: What's the difference between Bigfoot and an intelligent blonde? A: Whereas intelligent blondes are known to exist, most scientists discount the existence of Bigfoot and consider it to be a combination of folklore, misidentification, and hoax, rather than a living animal, in part because of the large numbers thought necessary to maintain a breeding population.

there's 4 men, a rabbi, a priest, a monk, and a captain. they all go on the captain's ship for a cruise with a couple hundred people. this was during the cold war, and the ship was mistaken for a war ship, and the russians missled it. the monk says: "we have to get everyone off the ship!" the rabbit say: "NO! the women and children need to get off first! And we should also hail to Satan!" the Captain says: "OMG! It's a talking Rabbit!" the priest then stops the rabbit to death!" the rabbi says: "The rabbit is right! But just the children!" The Captain says: "Screw the children! this ship is going to Hell, we have talking animals saying we should worship the devil!" the priest says: "Do you think we have time" the monk, the rabbi, and the captain stare and beat him to death.... "Well, he was already going to Hell" the Monk says. But during this entire time the ship has been sinking and another missle blows up the ship. Everyone dies, except for Sean Conery...and Chuck Norris.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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