My friend asks me what my mom does for a living and i told him that she is a nurse. Then he says "That a good job because she is able to save lives". I quickly reply "She works in an abortion clinic".

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Guess What! HI!

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dick in your mouth just kidding haaaaaa

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Q : Who is the most famous celebrity, Lady Gaga or Justin Bieber? A : Neither, because they are just fads.

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Q. What's louder than one dinosaur? A. A whole bunch of dinosaurs.

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there was a lesbian, a bi-sexual and a homosexual at a wine bar having a drink.......They had a great night

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Why did the chicken cross the road? We will never know. Chickens are incapable of communicating with humans and thus the intent of the chicken can only be speculated.

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A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver’s license. He has to take an eye test. They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. “Can you read this?” the optician asks. “Read it?” the Polish guy replies, “No, sir. Allow me to put on my glasses."

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If god gives you lemons keep the lemon go to the store and buy oranges to make orange juice.

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A man walks into a bar. He is genetically predisposed to alcoholism, and it's destroying his family.

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Why did the kid fall off the swing? He had no legs.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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a boy says hi.The girl says bye. The boy starts to cry.

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How you do stop a baby from swinging around on the clothesline? Hit it with a shovel.

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What's the difference between vanilla ice cream and vanilla ice cream with chocolate chips? Neither one has vanilla ice cream in it except for both of them.

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Patriarchy.

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What dud the dorito say to the other dorito? Nothing. Sorosis are incapable of speaking because they are doritos

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What did James say when he couldn't find his car? "My name's James".

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Q: How many years does it take for a deer to grow into a moose? A: 7

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Why does it take more than one blond to replace a light bulb? Because one had no arms, thus requiring the help of another person. It just so happened that that other person was a blond.

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text this number 2066191208 saying i wanna rape you

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A seal walks into a club...and is taken in custody by animal control due to the club having a no animal policy.

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Stephen Hawking raped your mom

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A man walks up to an attractive woman and asks "Is it hot in here, or is it just you?" The woman replies "No, it's hot in here. It is a record breaking 114 degrees outside, which means everybody is using their air conditioner. Due to the large amount of energy air condioners require, the power has gone out in this building and the air conditioner is not functional. The tempurature in the building is 103 degrees and three children are in the emergency room because of heat stroke."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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